


The Port in the Storm

by cyberpunk2183



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Angst, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Historical, Lesbian Sex, Love, Morning Cuddles, Original Character(s), Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22366003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberpunk2183/pseuds/cyberpunk2183
Summary: "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way  because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is  my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close." -A love note from Therese to Carol left on her vanity one morning.Set after the film and book, Therese and Carol navigate 1950's America together as they struggle to make a life of their own.
Relationships: Carol Aird/Therese Belivet
Comments: 213
Kudos: 277





	1. The Oak Room

Carol’s Packard is the same. The leather squeaks softly as I slide in and she closes the door behind me. With a sigh, I adjust my dress and try to get my girdle to stretch a little. It’s been a long day. My feet and heart ache, and if I’m honest I want to cry even though Carol is back in my life miraculously.

Seeing her in the hotel had thrown me through the biggest loop of my life, besides the time when I left the foster system at sixteen with no safety net. I hadn’t a clue where to begin until Carol walked into my life and changed everything for a girl behind a sales desk wearing a stupid Santa hat. I’d been more interested in selling trains than dolls, hoping to hit it big. It felt like I was just going through the motions in a black and white world until Carol splashed in. Then, she had walked straight back out, leaving me in pieces and alone…again.

I’d been so angry, hurt, and terrified. My head understood the reason was Rindy, but my heart didn’t follow until months later. Of course, I’d forgiven her. Rindy was her daughter. She loved her. I wouldn’t have chosen to go to the Oak Room if I hadn’t forgiven her, but it was hard. Muddled with more complex emotions then just Carol leaving me.

What kind of person would I be if I couldn't understand how important her daughter was to her? I want to be the kind of woman Carol can rely on even when the most impossible things are going on. Part of me knows that I have miles yet to go to deserve her, but I’ll die trying this time.

When Phil introduced me to Genevieve, I knew then that no other woman could match Carol. Beautiful, imperfect Carol. My eyes drift back over to her.

Even in the dark of the car, her hair seems to glow like her pale cheeks. She must feel me looking, because she glances at me, lifting an eyebrow and a smile tugging hesitantly at her lips. Her eyes look both melancholy and joyous at the same time. It’s painful to look at, so I glance back outside feeling like there is a ball of tears in my throat, threatening. The rain drops race each other to the side of the window deflecting the dim lights of the city as most of the world tucks in for the night.

She parks the car in front of her new place. It’s a tall stark building. I let myself out and follow her through the double doors. A doorman tips his hat, holding the door in his other hand. Carol gives him some money with a smile and a wink. He nods back and we head to the wide, but short staircase to reach a set of golden doored elevators.

Following Carol is always like going into the rabbit hole. In a world that I’ve never experienced. My apartment doesn’t stand up to her former mansion or this place. My line of foster homes don’t either and the faint memories of my actual home before that. Both of my parents were factory workers from what I’d been told.

Carol presses the button next to the door and it slides open immediately. We step in and go up to the 47th story. She leads me to an apartment door down a long hallway and it opens into a wide living room with an amazing night view of the city lining two walls. She flicks the light on and I close the door.

I could care less about the apartment and the windows. There’s only one thing on my mind now.

Ripping her to me hard, the feel of her firm body against mine races through me as my heart starts to pound. My nose is to her pulse point as I breathe in that powerful scent that is Carol and her perfume. That breath is quickly followed by soft fluttering kisses and the taste of her skin makes my knees buckle.

“Therese,” she says in a deep husky voice that send chills down my spine and then a dreadful sob escapes me.

I’m not even sure where it came from. My cheeks flush at the thought of crying right now when all I want to do is rip off her clothes and make hot passionate love to her. This is the moment I finally get to be with her and I’m crying like a baby.

“Oh darling, please don’t cry,” she murmurs, taking my face in her hands. Her long nails graze my cheeks. Her breath soft against my forehead as she presses her firm lips to it. Fire races through me, but I realize she’s crying too and that makes me feel a little better. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Something terrible curls up inside of me as I realize I’m terrified I’m going to lose her again. My arms tighten around her waist, pulling her even closer to me.

“I love you, Carol.” The words tumble out of my mouth, a desperate response to the hours ago confession she had made. I bury my face against her chest as she strokes my back. Another sob bursts out of me rebelliously as I sniff. “I’m sorry.” I pull away, nose red and dripping already. I see the stain on her lovely dress. “Oh no…” I dig for my pocket and come up with a handkerchief, mortified. I’m completely botching this up again.

Dabbing at the stain, she starts to chuckle and then laugh. My eyebrows drop as I sniff and look up at her.

“Darling, it’s okay,” she says, hand wrapping around the one holding the handkerchief. “Come in.” She draws me to the huge white couch, sinking into the cushion next to me. “Your home with me at last. That’s all that matters. We don’t have to rush anything.” 

We cuddle together and as my hiccups lessen, I’m comforted by the rise and fall of her chest as it lulls some peace within me. She’s kicked off her high heels, so I do the same.

“It’s been a terribly long day for both of us,” she says, but suddenly my lips press hotly against hers again. I feel wildly out of control of my body. She lets out a moan as my tongue parts her sweet lips and I taste her for the first time in months.

I feel like a stranded woman in the desert, parched and desperate for every drop of water and Carol is the source of that water.

Her body shifts toward mine and she rises to the occasion. Lips and tongue as needy as my own caresses me. I kiss down her jaw and suck at her pulse point again, reveling in the intoxicating soft floral and strong base of vanilla that screams Carol. Fingers rise uncontrollably to her blouse as I look up at her pleadingly.

“I’m yours,” she says breathily. With shaking fingers, I undo one button at a time, revealing her white bra and her girdle. My lips meet the crest of her breast as she gasps. “Therese.”

Is this a dream, I wonder. I’ve had so many with her like this: open and real and mine again. More tears run down my cheeks, hot, as they trickle into the crevice, the mystery of her as I lick the saltiness away.

“Darling? Can we take this to the bedroom? I’m not quite up for a wild night on the couch to be honest,” she says gently, voice trembling with emotion. “And I don’t think you are either.” Everything feels dangerous as if we are walking on a string.

“Carol,” I whisper, emotions war within me.

“I know, my sweet girl,” she says and takes my hand. “I’m ready to see and feel you too. Let’s do it together.” She takes my hands and pulls me up, arm slipping around my waist and hand leading mine around hers as she holds it there. Her hips sway in a sultry movement to the bedroom.

Oh the things you do to me, Carol.

She fishes out some pajamas from the chest of drawers. My eyes drift to hers and I lift an eyebrow.

“If you get cold later in the night,” she says with a wink and my cheeks flush as she pats them onto the dresser's top.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I blurt, feeling overwhelmed and wishing I could be more smooth like her. Everything about Carol is smooth.

“Me too, darling,” she says, sliding her skirt down. Eyes wide and true, full of that melancholy and joy again. “I’m so glad you chose to come to me. I was absolutely terrified you wouldn’t.” Her voice trembles again as her hands fumble at the straps at the bottom of her girdle, holding up her pantyhose. “I can’t wait to get out of this, can you? We’re finally free in a way we’ve never been.”

She’s right. We’re not stuck in some rundown motel. Her bed is even bigger than mine, decked in a comfortable looking comforter and pillows. There’s even an on-suite bathroom and another gorgeous night-view, overlooking the city and a park. I shake my head.

“I was so lucky the moment you showed up in my life and then you were gone.” The words drop like rocks between us and I hate myself for speaking them. I just want her.

“I know, Therese. I wish more than anything that I had told you to wait. I didn’t know what would happen…I didn’t know what they’d ask of me. I thought I could have Rindy, but how can I truly have her if I’m not allowed to be myself.”

“How is she?” I ask shyly, undoing my top. I’ve never been very good around kids. My experience in the foster homes were always difficult. Wailing babies, kicking and biting toddlers, and angry children who were more apt to scream or runaway than respond predictably. Meeting Rindy was eye-opening to say the least. I think she had managed the divorce better than any of us.

I slide off my top and let it fall to the floor. Carol looks at me, eyes hungry. She licks her lips.

“She’s doing well. Harge and his family will take good care of her. She’ll be fine,” Carol says as if she’s trying to convince herself.

“She will. She’s strong, just like her mother,” I say confidently. That’s one thing I do know for sure. “Sorry, I’m such an emotional basket case. I just…I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“I’m one too. I want you to always feel like you can be honest with me about…anything,” Carol says, eyebrows knitting together as if she’s not sure I’ll do this. I’m not sure either. It’s asking a lot. Does she want to know how angry I had felt…how hurt? “We’re in this now…together.” A small smile flits across her face.

My skirt falls down my legs and she’s in my arms again like a magnet. Her lips trace down my neck and along my collar bone. Fingers carefully roll down my girdle and both it and my pantyhose are peeled off my skin.

I moan in relief and suddenly I’m free of my bra too. Then, I’m naked before Carol, pressed down by a gentle hand onto the bed as her blue eyes rake over me.

I squirm as this moment builds in my core and she desperately tastes me as quickly as she can as if it is our first time all over again. Golden hair haloes the touch of those soft lips and warm tongue. 

“Oh god, Carol,” I hiss as her tongue daringly races across my core, sinking into the folds. She stands back up, peels off her own girdle and bra. I whine at her absence. It’s painstakingly slow, my hand bent at the wrist over my belly as I watch her hungrily…waiting for her like a lioness to spring again upon her prey.

Her eyes are hooded as she pounces the moment her bra strikes the carpeted floor. We climb up the bed together and this time I fight to gain purchase with my own lips, but Carol already has the lead. I’m already burning and my mind is fuzzy with the want.

“No…” she says. “You’re mine. Therese Belivet. You’re all mine.” She presses me against the mattress as her fingers stroke me and my back arches against her body. “I’ve dreamt of you, over and over again. How I’ve longed to do exactly this to you. To touch your silken skin…to taste you.”

Her words vibrate against my skin, husky and low. They send heat rushing and pooling into the pit of my stomach.

“Carol.”

“To hear my name upon your lips—“

“Oh god, Carol. Don’t stop!” I say desperately, bucking against those magical fingers before she plunges into me fiercely. I rock against them. The old familiar dance between us never forgotten. My fingers splay across her back as her lips seek out my breasts. I’m overwhelmed as tongue and teeth nip and suck in a perfect chorus and then her other palm brushes hard against my core and I’m thrust over the top of the ravine. Lights spark behind my eyelids and I clinch around her fingers.

Her name screams forth from me. The only person on the planet who could bring forth such emotion from me and I’m crying again like an idiot. Carol doesn’t let me down quickly. She stays with me, guiding me down. Hands wrapped around me protectively, trying to pull me to her. I hide my face in a pillow as she strokes my hair.

“Darling? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” she asks truly concerned. I laugh this time and shake my head. I throw an arm around her neck and kiss her hard, grinning against her cheek.

“No…that was perfect. You’re perfect. I love you…so much.”

“Is that the sex talking?” she teases me, fingers playful. Chuckling, I shake my head and she strokes her fingers over my abdomen, biting her lip sexily.

“Don’t do that. God, you’re so sexy, Carol,” I moan and push her shoulder. She laughs fully and her hair falls passed her shoulders. I stroke my fingers through the perfect locks, now messy and pull her to my lips.

“I want you. I want you so much, Carol.”

Her eyes search mine suddenly and she looks worried.

“You don’t have to, darling. I know I’ve hurt you so terribly. We can wait—“

My lips catch hers again as I attempt to banish such an innane thought. I’ve wanted her for so long throughout these long painful months. It felt like someone had put a corset on me and each day tightened the strings until I couldn’t breathe. I’m not going to let even a night go by without the joy of bringing this brilliant woman to the peak and over.

“No, I want to take you, Carol. If I’m yours, you’re mine.”

“Is that so, my dear?” Carol asks me with a soft smile. I nod quickly, but continue my kisses, the worship of her body. She’s as gorgeous as I remember. Perfect skin, high cheekbones, stark collar bones, and glorious breasts. I suck and nuzzle against them, nipping and enjoying the squirming body beneath me. Carol moans gloriously, stretching like a cat as I trace my hands down her stomach.

She had tried to hide the effects of childbirth from me so long ago. There were light stretch marks along her abdomen and the skin was stretched and wrinkling on the lower portion of her stomach, but I love even these tiny imperfections. They are intrinsically apart of the woman I love. My nose brushes lower, over the curly hair at the entrance of her wet core.

The smell of Carol is familiar and overpowering as I nuzzle her soft inner thighs, teasing the entrance of her folds. She moans again. Her hand grips my hair, not in a painful way, but pushes me insistently to toward her. The shrine before me, the woman I love, and I’ve chosen her. I really chose her.

I had an option. I had Genevieve as a tempting choice and Phil, but I chose her. She’s not the typical choice, but she’s the one I picked, because I’m not a typical person and because I did fall in love with her along the way from infatuation and obsession to the woman beneath me.

I suck her carefully, swirling my tongue against her, pressing and grazing my teeth over her the sensitive bundle of nerves that will curl her toes. It sends Carol writhing under me, gripping the comforter and rumpling it up further.

“Oh God, Therese. Oh!” She breathes out heavily, covered in a fine sheen of sweat as I look up at her. Her hand is folded against her mouth, eyes squeezed shut and she looks so sweet and vulnerable with a cheek pressed into the pillow. She’s perfect.

She’s perfect and she’s mine. I want to lock this memory away forever. In case, this is the last.

But no, it isn’t. This is the beginning, I tell myself firmly and shake my head.

My fingers stroke the hot silken folds, collecting her inner dew as I plunge into her depths with confidence. Carol shakes and shivers and I know exactly what she wants as her hips buck.

I kiss her abdomen gently and begin to suck the sensitive bundle again to help her over the edge as my fingers plunge faster and faster into her.

I imagine that this will be the first of many nights together, making love, cuddling, talking, and maybe even giggling together like the women we are. I like that idea better as I smile against her.

Carol’s long moan fills the room as the muscles of her inner walls lock around my fingers. It feels like she’s claiming me yet again. My name erupts from her lips and she drops down, breathing hard. 

I trail kisses gently up her navel, between her breasts, and nuzzle her neck. Carol finds my lips, tasting herself and moaning again.

“Oh darling…how I’ve missed that,” she says. She sighs against me. She smiles like a sphinx at me. I nuzzle against her. “I love you too, my angel.” She strokes my hair from my eyes, big blues eyes meeting mine.

“That isn’t just the amazing sex talking, is it?” I tease her back with a self-confident smirk, feeling my dimple pop. “I know I’m good—“ Her lips catch mine.

“No, it’s me—telling my angel that I love her forever and ever,” she promises and I feel my heart flutter in my chest as she chuckles at my stunned silence. “Stay with me. Here. Always.” Her hand brings mine to her heart.

“Yeah?” I ask and she nods, pulling me down into her and we cuddle together as she reaches to shut the light off and bundle me under the comforter.

“Yeah,” she replies, so uncharacteristically Carol. The feeling of her so close again sends a shiver through me, but I’d have it no other way. Whatever the future holds, I know I’m never letting her go ago.


	2. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your sweet comments before. They were encouraging and have convinced me to continue on.
> 
> If you hadn't noticed this will be a bit of a mix of the movie and the book. I will be adding some back story to Therese and Carol and you may note some differences. That's on purpose, but if you disagree with any changes let me know and I might make adjustments along the way.
> 
> Otherwise, please enjoy!

The light of morning wakes me up, confusing me. Like many times before, I awake without knowing where I am exactly. Pushing up, I’m surrounded by windows and the skyline of New York City in a divinely soft bed. Then, the scent of Carol and the warmth of the bed next to me sends memories flooding back into my mind of the night before.

Pressing my nose against her pillow, I pull it tight to me and switch to her side of the bed to revel in the idea that Carol just might be somewhere in this apartment.

I’m only slightly disappointed that I didn’t wake up in her arms. It’s my favorite thing in the whole world, but even when we were together, I almost never had that satisfaction as Carol always seemed to be up at least an hour before my body deigned to wake me.

Looking to Carol’s dark blue nightstand, I see her exquisite ivory colored alarm clock looking grand and regal. Again, I feel a bit out of place, but it matches Carol even better than perhaps her mansion out in Jersey.

The clock reads seven on the dot and suddenly, Carol in her open bathrobe strolls in with a breakfast tray. I curl up in bed tighter for a moment as she chuckles and settles into my side of the bed.

“Rise and shine, angel,” she says with a grin. “Don’t get use to this, but it is a Sunday and a special anniversary.”

“Anniversary?” I ask sitting up and bringing the blanket up to keep me warm. Carol leaves the tray on my lap and fetches the pajama top from the chest of drawers. She helps slide it over my head. It’s too big and loose, designed for Carol’s bustiness and length. The hem folds up around my waist. 

“Aren’t you just darling,” she murmurs, looking completely smitten. I smile down at the food, charmed that Carol is absolutely bent over backwards in love with me. The plate is boiled eggs, toast with an option of butter, strawberry or grape jam, and sausage. There’s enough for both of us to share. There’s two cups of coffee and orange juice for me.

She curls around me and the tray. Her lengthy knees bump into the tray and drape over my legs, her breasts against my shoulders and arm under my neck. It’s easy to lean into her as she takes her coffee and sips at it heartily, even though it must be scalding.

A deep breath takes her suddenly and she looks as satisfied as a lioness after gorging a massive kill. She nuzzles my cheek and the smell of bath soaps, baking soda toothpaste, and coffee hit me and maybe even in a tiny hint of a stolen sausage. I kiss her in response.

“Someone’s content,” I say to her and she looks at me with steady eyes and tilts her head to ponder it.

“Yes…” she pauses. “I’ve dreamt of this for so long. I do believe I am, Therese Belivet. Now, eat before it gets cold. I did have some sausage that I know you liked, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how you like your eggs.”

“Oh Carol,” I say. “I just ordered whatever you had. This is fine.” Boiled eggs were a consistent meal at one foster home. In fact so much so that I had grown to hate them. I picked one up gingerly. Carol’s hand covers mine, hiding the egg.

“I don’t want us to be like that anymore, Therese,” she says firmly. “I fell in love with a shop girl passionate about plays and books. I fell in love with the practical artist as she deemed herself. You make dreams come true on stage. I adore the simple shop girl, but I also adore the confident woman you’ve become.” She kisses me softly.

My cheeks turn hot and I squirm a little, freeing my hand and placing the egg down, wanting to run and hide rather than tell Carol I don’t like her cooking. Her finger touches my chin, drawing my attention.

“There’s so much I haven’t told you…about my upbringing.”

“A Czech orphan?” She inquires. I nod, cheeks flushing hotter.

“Yeah, I am that, but that’s all I told you,” I say. Will she even understand? A woman who grew up in the lap of luxury. She didn’t understand poverty. I never want her too, otherwise would she still be Carol? “I guess…I wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me?” She chuckles at the thought. “From what, my angel?” My chest tightens a little.

“Growing up as an orphan isn’t exactly pleasant business. I still haven’t sorted it all out myself,” I admit. Her eyes grow sad. “I grew up in foster care, Carol. Each family as different as the next, but to say any were good or kind and decent? I cannot bring myself to utter those words about them.” I say it all rather stiffly. I never talk about this with anyone.

She blinks at me as if trying to gather the clues of what I’m trying to say and looks down at the eggs. Her eyebrows knit together as she takes a boiled egg and lifts it up to me.

“And what does that have to do with this egg?” She asks me. I look at the egg and then back at Carol.

“At one home all we ate were boiled eggs, the children, I mean. I stayed with them for six months. One boiled egg in the morning and one in the evening before bed. We thankfully ate at the school some soup, but those were long months and I grew to hate them as a healthy meal always simmered in the kitchen for the adults to eat.

Carol deflates as she looks at the boiled egg in her hands, before she chucks it across the room as if it suddenly burned her.

“Then, we shall never eat another damn boiled egg in this home of ours,” she says and kisses me fervently. “Here have a sausage instead…and thank you, darling, for sharing that with me. I know it must have been terribly difficult.”

“I never talk about this stuff, Carol. With anyone.”

“Well, I am honored that you would deem to share this with me, Therese. Truly. I hope in the future to learn everything there is about you. The good, the bad, and even the terrible,” she says with a sad smile. “I want to bring that old soul of yours as much joy as possible.”

“Thanks…” I take the sausage and munch on it quite happily as Carol eats the rest of the boiled eggs rather than waste them and let’s me have all the sausage. I can’t complain about that.

“So what’s the status on your apartment? Are you moving in with me? There’s two more rooms and a bathroom. I’ve got a delightful surprise for you in one of the rooms and the other is set up as if it is bedroom.”

“I have a monthly lease,” I admit. “What day is it?”

“I believe it’s the 23rd,” she says. “Can I offer to pay your next month and have you move in with me quicker?”

“No, we’re not doing this relationship like that either, Carol. I don’t care how rich you are, but I must insist we be equals in this. I’ll pay the last month and I’ll give you whatever money I have—“

“Oh no darling…why don’t you, well, why don’t you pay for groceries then?” Carol asks me.

“I’m a terrible cook.”

“However, have your survived this long?” she says with a chuckle. “I’ll teach you, but you pay for the food, okay?” I nod. “I want you to have some left so you can still do the things you need to do. Hang out with your theater friends and go catch a cup of coffee with someone or…sneak me out on a date.”

“We’ll have to be careful,” I say. “We can just be…be us inside these walls.” I can’t believe I’m saying this. “I mean my friends, Dannie and Phil don’t care much. They tried to set me up.”

“They what? With who?” Carol asks, nostrils flaring. I let out a laugh and grab her hand.

“No one important. This actress Genevieve. We didn’t do anything. She made me realize that there is only one person for me,” I admit and look up at her with frank eyes.

“Oh Therese,” Carol deflates again quickly and squeezes me tightly, moving the tray to the other nightstand. She kisses me softly. “What if I didn’t return?”

“I don’t know what I would have done, but I wasn’t ready to move on then,” I admit. “Now, you’ve spoiled me again and I doubt I will ever be suitable for anyone else.” She laughs at this, pulling me onto her body. My hand sliding around her naked torso under her bathrobe. She moans softly.

“Therese, what you do to me,” she says, eyelids fluttering. “But you’re right…we must be ever so careful outside. There are laws forbidding these sorts of activities and I know a woman like myself will attract extra attention and I would hate if they’d do anything to you. I’d never forgive myself.”

“Then, we must make a plan,” I say, pulling away from her. “We must have rules.”

“Even within this house I’m afraid,” Carol says. “I’ll have a housekeeper.”

“Do we really need a housekeeper?” I ask her. She nods.

“An apartment this size and both of us working full-time. I’ve made arrangements for them to be here while we are both gone. But we must make it look as if we are roommates when we are away from the house. There must be evidence.”

“And outside no holding hands, kissing, or anything else that might tip off the world. It’s better if we don’t do dates.”

“But maybe…I don’t want to be dull to you. We could go to the movies or go out to eat now and again. We’ll make it special, but like two friends,” she says. I sigh and nod, stroking her face.

“Okay,” I say and she smiles happily.

“Don’t fret so much, darling. We’ll work it out, I promise. Will you move in with me today?” 

I tap my chin and pretend like I’m thinking about it. It’s obvious we won’t have much time during the week while we’re working and it’s not like I have a lot of stuff.

“Okay, but first—“ I stroke the underside of her breast and she melts into me. Our kisses linger between us like silk. This morning as the sun continues to rise, we aren’t in a rush. The heat of passion still simmers between us, but there is no longer a limit on time. The moment can stretch between us without panic or fear that this will be the last time to hold one another.

What comes forth is exquisite. The fresh sounds are poetry from Carol. I realize that last night she was a different tapestry under the starlight and glitter of the skyline of New York. Today, she is another painting under the slow simmering sun of winter’s last kiss. 

Mewls, whimpers, groans, and moans mark the passage of fingers, tongue, and press of skin upon skin. I find a new mole, a new curve and bend to her body and I worship it like I do everything else about her.

Carol’s voice crescendos and I hold her there for as long as I can before she collapses back onto the bed with such a delightful serene look. I stroke her hair from her face and kiss her lips swiftly and softly.

“I adore you, my angel,” Carol whispers. Her arms surround me as we cuddle in bed together tempting the day to slow down even farther so we can enjoy the soft caress of each other.

Sometime later, I kiss her reluctantly seeing she has fallen back asleep and go to relieve my straining bladder. I take a shower, brush my teeth, and when I come out Carol is already half dressed.

I sigh and she looks up with a wicked gleam in her eye.

“Oh, did you wish to make love for another half day? We did say we’re going to your apartment, right?” I pout and nod, pulling on my things from last night, hoping there will be a new doorman this morning. She kisses my cheek and I slide down next to her in front of the vanity.

“You can use my things,” she says. “What’s mine is yours now, Therese.” I look up at her, thinking of the time she showed me how to do my makeup like she did. I’d once been thirteen when one of the older girls showed me how to do some things, but that image was such much duller than drinks, jokes, and makeup with Carol in our robes.

I pick up the mascara and start applying it. Carol watches me through the mirror, looking as insanely gorgeous as she always does whether it is without makeup or with, she seems out of time. She smiles gently at me, stroking my hair.

“May I brush your hair, darling?” She asks me and I nod. She rises and starts doing just that. “I do miss this with Rindy so much, but I realize now why I insisted on it. It was not so much for for her, but I missed this gentle intimate contact with another female.” She bends down to lightly kiss my cheek.

After my _another chapter, I think I’m moving on_ hair cut, there isn’t as much hair for Carol to brush, but I do love the tingles that run down my spine as her fingers graze my scalp and the gentle brush of the comb. It is a feeling I don’t recall, except New Year’s Eve with her. Our eyes meet as if thinking of that very same night.<

She swallows and sets down the brush on the vanity. Hands on my shoulders as she clears her throat.

“All done!” She says. “We better go before I have to rip every stitch off of you and we have to try this again in the evening.” 

Chuckling, I shake my head and follow her to the door where we pick up our scattered things. Carol grabs her blouse that lays forlorn and crumpled by the couch. I grab our purses just outside the door and our long coats.

When Carol returns I help her into her jacket and hand over her bag. She grabs a scarf and wraps it over her head, giving me one last quick kiss and wiping the lipstick stain away with a deft thumb.

“Of we go,” she says as if she’s excited, but there is an edge of disappointment. She leads the way as I close the door behind me and she locks up. I stand beside her and she waves me toward the elevator.

We make quick way to her parked Packard and I’m grateful when a few minutes later it starts to warm up. It’s still quite chilly in the morning even though spring is just around the corner.

We arrive to my apartment, a starch contrast to Carol’s classic luxury apartment.

“What of the furniture…? I didn’t think of that, drat,” she says, tapping her chin. “Is there anything, you are especially fond of?”

“Oh no. This isn’t mine. It’s my landlady’s,” I admit. “I don’t have much. Let me pack up my things and we can leave today. We can stop off and talk to her on the way out.”

Carol quietly follows me as I pull out one of my bigger suitcases. I’d managed to buy this with one of my first real pay checks years ago from a vintage flea market. It’s a massive carpet bag.

“Perhaps you should change too, darling,” she reminds me. I smile and nod to her, peeling out of the nice evening dress and throwing it towards the bag. Carol can’t keep her hands off of it. She refolds it as I pull out a green blouse and a heavy brown woolen skirt. It’s on and I quickly put on a scarf since it’s so cold in the house.

“However did you bear this place in the winter, dear? It’s absolutely frigid,” she says, rubbing my arms as if she could warm me up quickly. Which she is managing I have to admit. I smile at her and she smiles back.

“The bed warms up eventually,” I say nodding to it. It has two thin blankets. Carol shakes her head.

“You’ll never go cold again with me around,” she says rather fiercely. I chuckle at that.

“I’m sure I won’t.” I poke her side. “Does Abbey know?”

“Know about what?” Carol asks confused

“About me moving in with you?”

“Oh, of course. You know, I tell her everything.” She seems to notice my stiffened posture. “I won’t tell her everything about us, darling, but she is my friend.”

“I know,” I say with a sigh.

“Isn’t it time to bury the hatchet with her?” Carol says. “She was only being protective of me. Maybe even a little jealous to share me, but she’s dating again. She’ll lighten up. She adores you.”

“No, she doesn’t,” I say with a shake of my head. Remembering the long awkward drive back to New York City. My cheeks flush remembering how I had vomited and sobbed silently in the back. Was that even me? Who was that pitiful little girl?

Carol takes my cheeks and looks me in the eyes.

“She thinks you are a wonderful young woman. She’s impressed by your work in Blue Skies. She says you’re getting quite a name for yourself among the theater houses.” I blush again and she hugs me to her. “Oh, enough of this. You know Abbey isn’t leaving my life any time soon. Don’t break my heart again by telling me I must never talk to her.”

“I would never!” I say and frown. I mean, what if Carol told me not to hang around with the boys anymore. I shook my head. “That’s not it. I guess, I’m embarrassed she saw me break down after you left me. I don’t let everyone see that side of me, Carol, and I don’t want you telling her about it every time I fall apart or tell you something about my past.”

“I swear, darling. I might simmer and whine to her a bit, but I will never break your confidence,” Carol promises. She’s so sincere that I nod. If Carol is one thing, she is not a liar.

I quickly start handing her clothes to pack in the bag. I don’t have a lot just things I picked up from a vintage sell or down at the Catholic church during their clothing giveaways. One of the nuns who taught me at the school is still somewhat of a friend of mine even though we walk very different lives.

“This is it?” Carol asks me when I run out of clothes. I look up and nod. “That black dress is your only evening dress.”

“I had just bought it with the money from the play house,” I say with a shrug. “It was my first real check. I used the rest of the money from my last check to go our road trip.”

“Your first real check,” she says as if it’s dawning on her again how young and poor I am. She looks around as if seeing my apartment again. The tiny bathroom, the non-existent heat, the kitchenette, and living room. “And this is it?”

“I have some special paints and things for my models fo the sets,” I tell her and wave her over to the living room which is filled with some left over cardboard. “I’ll have to take this out to the trash.”

“Might as well take it the apartment,” Carol says with a shrug. “You’re still going to need it, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but cardboard is cardboard,” I say. Carol takes my hand.

“There’s room for all of this and you,” she says and my heart flutters in my chest. We pack up what’s left and clean up the apartment. Then, we load up the Packard and meet with the landlady.

I pay her for the last month’s rent and tell her that I’m moving out today so she can do what she needs to do with it. She hugs me and sees us out, congratulating me on the new job and apartment.

Outside it’s started drizzling again. I pause looking at Carol over the car and her face lights up when she sees me looking.

“Coming, Therese?” She says in that daring sultry voice of hers. With her? I’d follow that woman to hell and back.


	3. Life with Carol

Monday morning leaves me groaning awake. Carol’s side of the bed is cold and I remember groggily that she has to leave for work much earlier than I do. Pouting, I’m a little sad she let me sleep through her exit when I see the clock saying nine o’clock. Did she kiss me goodbye?

I roll out of bed and find still warm coffee in a thermos and a note:

_It was impossibly hard to leave you after last night’s shenanigans. I haven’t been this tired in the morning for years! Here’s a morning pick-me-up to get that hop back in your trot. I have a good day at work, my angel. Love you much and kisses. Remember, lunch at the cafe this once. Love, Carol._

I pour myself a cup and put a spoonful of sugar in it as I hug the note to my chest. I kiss it as I put it away in a secret hiding place so the housekeepers won’t find it. Then, I get ready for work.

I find a big red lipstick kiss on my forehead while I’m in the bathroom. Scrubbing it off, I shake my head smiling.

Most of the day I’m thinking about Carol as I hammer at the grand staircase I designed for the house that will lead to a gorgeous balcony. Today, I’m in a pair of loose trousers and a blouse with the sleeves rolled up despite the chill on the stage. There’s a handful of people helping me design the sets for _A Streetcar Named Desire_. Some are making up the bedroom and others helping with the living room, but this staircase and balcony will be mine. 

I smile to myself with nails in my mouth as I wonder if Carol would be interested in coming to opening night to see my sets. Maybe, she can bring Abby. I frown wishing I could come with her, but I’ll need to be onhand in case anything breaks and needs a quick fix or an emergency happens. The director will need someone to yell at.

“Damn it,” I say as the hammer slams into my thumb and I shake it. The hammer clatters off the thankfully sturdy steps I’ve already made and lands at the feet of none other than Genevieve. Sucking on my bleeding thumb, I look down at her surprised. She smiles at me slowly and bends down at the waist to pick up the hammer.

“Quite impressive, Therese. I didn’t know you built the sets yourself. You’re full of surprises,” she says in a black fitting dress. Blushing, I pull my thumb away from my mouth and tuck it behind my back. “Should I kiss it and make it better?” My blush grows hotter.

“Um—“ I squeak. “No, thanks. I’m good. What are you doing here?” The second it pops out I mentally kick myself. She’s an actress, Therese. She’s probably auditioning.

“I’m auditioning for a role. Some of us aren’t quite as handy with a hammer as others,” she says and winks at me. “Where did you learn to do this?” She motions to the start of my New Orlean’s style curving staircase.

“Oh…you know, here and there,” I say with a shrug, remembering the number of houses I lived in that were just broken-down, not to mention my last apartment. When you can’t afford to fix something, you fix it yourself. “Thanks for the hammer.”

“No problem. Try not to break any fingers. What would we do without them?” she says with a meaningful pause and wicked gleaming eyes. My eyes widen as I wonder what she means by that. “The set, Therese.” My cheeks flush again. 

“Of course,” I snap, trying to end the conversation. “Break a leg, you know…with the audition.”

“Right,” she says with a pleased smile and salutes me before she walks to the line of women off stage. The director is looking at me from the seats with his clipboard and notes about the various actresses he is screening today. 

Quickly, I look away and frown, feeling a bit used. That’s a good way to make yourself pop out of a crowd of girls by showing you know someone on staff.

The frown on my face deepens at the thought of anyone hearing our conversation. What if they think I’m a lesbian? Will that effect Carol and mine’s relationship? I mean, this is theater right? Most likely the director has hired at least two gay actors already. Let alone the fact Genevieve will land a role in a heartbeat. 

She’ll get it, because her last role was broadway, but I’m having a hard time imagining her playing Blanche, but maybe Stella. It’s hard to see her in either role to be honest. Of course, she’d want to be in the popular _A Streetcar Named Desire._ Even if one of the bigger houses wasn’t putting it on.

Around lunch time, I catch wind that the director is putting Genevieve in the role of Blanche and I wonder how Carol will react to that. I walk down to the cafe she agreed to meet me at.

I reach it first and take a booth and a menu to have plenty of time to look and decide. I order some water, even though Carol will order a drink, but I don’t want to be even slightly tipsy for work. I might actually break something and then where would I be? Carol can drink like a pirate and not have it effect her. I see a tuna melt sandwich and decide after all my hard work today I should get that.

Carol sweeps in and settles in the booth opposite of me with a dramatic sigh and smile. 

“Sorry, I’m late, darling. It was hard to pull myself away from a good sale, but I got it and I still made it!” She says. “Without getting a driving ticket either.” She winks at me. I smile at her and the waiter approaches.

“What can I get for you ladies?” 

“A dry martini and tomato soup,” Carol chirps. “I made some great sales today!” The man grins at her.

“Congrats,” he replies, “and you?” I shake my head to bring my thoughts back to the order since I was so happy to see Carol excited about her sales.

“Tuna melt,” I say and he writes it down on his pad, before slipping it into his red apron, leaving us alone.

“I’m impressed,” Carol says to me with her amused smile. She has her public veneer on, but I can see passed it now. At least, I think I can.

“By what?” I ask her and lean forward. I slide my foot forward, hoping to feel Carol. I wish I could touch or kiss her. God, I want to kiss her.

“Ordering something different than me. I’m so proud,” she says and tilts her head, looking me over.

“I can order food.”

“I never knew,” Carol says, popping out a cigarette and smoking it. “I appreciate a woman who knows her own mind.” Suddenly, her shoeless foot catches the bottom of my trousers and a pantyhose clad toe trails up my shin.

“Carol,” I squeak, feeling heat billow up in my stomach. She chuckles, but doesn’t retract her toe. Instead, she leaves it on my foot, stroking up my ankle and calf as she pleases.

“How was your day?”

“I’m working on _A Streetcar Named Desire,_ building this gorgeous set. Will you come to opening night? Maybe you can bring Abby. I’ll be working.”

“I’ll get front row tickets,” Carol says with a smile. I smile back at her, happy with that response. “Maybe we ought to go to New Orleans this year for vacation.”

“I’ve never been,” I admit. 

“Then, I ought to take you. I can tell there is something else on your mind,” Carol says and taps her cigarette to the ashtray. Her drink arrives and so does our food. She sips her soup and I cut a piece of my sandwich off to eat. 

“Mmm,” I hum. Carol lifts an eyebrow.

“You’re enjoying that,” she points out with her spoon. “Or you’re avoiding the topic.”

“Both,” I admit, covering my mouth with my napkin. “It’s Genevieve.”

“What about her?” Carol asks, turning serious and her toe stops it’s stroking. Her nostrils flare in that familiar way they do when she’s jealous. So the rest of the words tumble out of me.

“She came to audition on the set. She flirted with me…and got the part for Blanche.”

“Blanche? She doesn’t have blonde hair,” Carol says quite suddenly as if offended for that sole reason.

“That’s all you’re going to say to that?” I ask her and she lifts an eyebrow. Her toe strokes my calf and something tickles in my belly.

“What else should I say?” she asks in a low velvety voice. “Those theater types are terribly scandalous, are they not? But my darling roommate wouldn’t get involved with the likes of them.” I look around as if expecting the waiter to be hovering around or someone at a nearby table, but there’s no one but us. She smiles at me when I look at her confused. “Do you want me to be jealous, dear?”

“Maybe, a little,” I admit and she chuckles, taking another sip of her soup. Then, she takes her extra fork and stabs a piece of my melted tuna.

“Hey, that’s mine.”

“I’m sure you’ve worked up quite a healthy appetite, but you need to save it for when you come home,” she says and winks. I swallow my throat suddenly dry as Carol finishes her Martini. “I’m sure there will dinner and an excellent dessert.”

She rises to her feet and touches my shoulder. “Walk me to my car.” I get up and she sees what I’m dressed in and she lifts an eyebrow. My trousers are dirty from crawling around on set, covered in sawdust and even a touch of paint.

“You do the actual set creations too?” she asks me. I nod with a curl on my lips. “Not just the designer.”

“Of course that’s what a designer does, Carol. I don’t just play with cardboard models,” I say. “I can handle a hammer as well as glue, believe or not.” 

“Lucky me,” Carol says. “I can’t wait to see what you create from that wonderful mind of yours.” She pays the bill before I can fuss. At the car, we stand apart and it feels like a mile. Her eyes are serious from behind her sunglasses and then they are filled with longing. Her fingers tighten around her clutch. “See you tonight,” she suddenly snaps and sits in the car. She waves and drives off.

My heart flutters in my chest and I know exactly how she feels. I walk back to the theater house and get back to work. We have a schedule after all and I take out my pent up emotions on the staircase.

Opening the door, the apartment smells of ham. When I reach the kitchen, Carol is in her blue dress and a white apron, still in her heels from work. She’s stirring a large pot on the stove that smells divine. My heart flutters.

“Carol?” I ask hesitantly and she drops the ladle. A large smile crosses her face and she runs to me. I manage a few steps before she’s in my arms and we’re kissing fiercely.

“Oh, I wanted to kiss you so badly at lunch when you told me that dreadful woman had made the play,” she says, panting after the kiss. Her hands grip my face possessively. “She flirted with you?”

“You didn’t seem to care in the restaurant,” I say and she hugs me to her body tightly. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble for me.”

“Getting jealous over you. I can’t help that,” she says with a chuckle. “You are my angel and you did tell me that a woman someone tried to set you up with was flirting with you. Again, I might add.”

“No, I don’t mean that. I’m flattered, really, but you’re the only woman for me, Carol. I swear, I just wanted you to know that she’s going to be on set, but I meant the soup.”

“Oh, that. I’m so used to making dinner, dear. It’s second nature even after a long day at work. It’s already ready. Let me get another ladle and I’ll get you some. You have worked up that appetite, haven’t you?”

“Honestly?” I ask. “Do you mind if I take a shower first?”

“Oh, of course, I’ll wait, but be quick,” she says, “or I just might hop in with you.” I steal another kiss and dart back to the second bathroom where we’ve put my soaps and Shampoo. We both agreed I ought to take my showers in here. When I step out in more comfortable clothes, Carol is at the door.

“I never got to show you the rest of the apartment since we went straight back to making love last night,” Carol says. My stomach grumbles and it’s an honest debate on eating or taking Carol to “my room” and stripping her out of that apron. “I wanted to show you your surprise.”

“Oh, I’d forgotten to be honest,” I say. “You kind of distract me. Today, I hit my thumb with my hammer, because I was thinking about you.” I lift up my bruised finger, wrapped in a bandage. I’m going to lose part of that nail. Her face wracks in a painful expression.

“Oh no! You didn’t tell me you got hurt,” she says and quickly tugs me back into the bathroom. She pulls off the bandages and hisses at the already forming bruise. “You don’t wrap a smashed finger, darling.” She tsks at me, settling me on the toilet seat. “Not as tightly as you had anyway. You’ll put a bandage on it tomorrow.” She pulls out a bottle of aspirin and pours me a cup of water. “For the pain.”

“I’m fine, Carol, really,” I say, but she insistently puts it in my hand. She dabs a cotton ball with peroxide from under the sink and dabs at the bit skin that had broken. She wraps this part in gauze instead of a tight bandage.

“Can you move it?” she asks. I move my finger for her. “Tell me when a blood blister comes up and I’ll show you how to handle it. We’ll ice it after dinner for a bit.” She takes my hand and kisses my thumb gently. A tingle runs down it to the pit of my stomach. “Now, come along.”

She pulls me up on my feet. We leave the bathroom. She stops at the first door and turns on the light. My bag from last night is on the full size bed with a dark blue comforter. There’s a chest of drawers in this room too and two nightstands on either side of the bed. The far wall is covered with windows as well.

Then, she pulls me away and to the final bedroom. I wonder what is in it besides my cardboard boxes. She opens the door and turns on the light. I blink surprised. The room is very large with a wide wooden table in front of the windows along the farthest wall. There are paints, paint brushes, sketch books with pencils and every imaginable art supply someone could dream up. It’s a true art room in every sense of the word.

“Now, that I know you what your job entails more concretely we’ll have to get some tools in here. Do you work with wood? You obviously have a hammer,” Carol says rather drolly. I turn around and hug her around the waist, kissing her passionately.

“Thank you,” I whisper against her lips. “No one has ever done this for me before.” Her eyes fill with something too complex to name.

“May it be the first of many small gifts I can give you, my angel,” she says and strokes my cheeks. “Time for dinner. Don’t think I can’t hear your stomach growling.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, embarrassed, but she pecks my lips.

“For what? You’re human,” she says, placing her hand on my stomach. “And you worked hard today. Anyone could see that. Now, you come and eat your fill.” She leads me to the dining table and brings out two bowls of soup. She pours a white wine for both of us. There’s bread between us and honestly I’ve never eaten anything this good before.

I eat two bowls before we recline on the couch, both tired from a hard days work and not enough sleep last night. Carol’s got my thumb on ice and me wrapped completely up in her. Her arms around my shoulders and her legs wrapped over and between my legs and her head on my shoulder. She makes it through one show before she falls asleep against my shoulder. I watch another one, slip out from under her with some difficulty as her arms tighten around me and wash up the dishes and put up the soup.

The domesticity of it thrills me to the core. I’ve never looked after anyone before and never been looked after properly myself. I step back out into the darkened living room, where Carol has kicked off her shoes and her head rests on a pillow on the arm of the sofa as the light of the screen dances across her face.

I gather her up with a kiss and she fusses a little bit as I lead her to our bedroom.

“I must put up dinner and wash up,” she says, quite confused. I hush and assure her it’s all been taken care of. Then, I guid her to our bedroom and help her undress and put her in her blue silk pajamas before putting her to bed.

“You must think I’m terribly old,” she says half asleep. “It’s not that late and I promised you dessert.” The last part sounds downright pitiful. It’s obvious she wants it as badly as I do, but both of our bodies are betraying us tonight with exhaustion.

“It is late. I’m going to do some work and I’ll join you in a bit. It was your first day of work after all.” I kiss her forehead and turn out the light. I honestly can’t wait to crawl in bed with her, but I have to unpack for the housekeepers tomorrow and it would be nice to make sure I have a clear idea of what the dining room of the house looks like for the play. I wasn’t quite sure the placement for the extra bed was opposed to icebox.

By the time, I finish I’m rubbing an eye exhausted and I manage to find my set of polka dot pajamas to change into and stumble into bed with Carol. She quickly turns and wraps me in her arms, pulling me toward her with soft moan.

“You will come to bed with me in the future,” she says in a commanding voice husked over with sleep giving it a velvety edge. “I want to fall asleep with you in my arms.”

I take a deep breath, smelling the base of her perfume burned down to a raw vanilla scent and Carol. Her hands grip my hip as she pulls me tighter against her.

“I love you, Carol,” I whisper against her throat, nuzzling it and pepper it with a few soft kisses. She makes a noise that I can’t readily identify.

“—love you—angel—“ is all I make out. May there be many more nights like this bliss, because this is all I could ever ask for.


	4. The Party Invitation

Convincing Carol to come to one of Dannie’s parties is like pulling teeth. She fusses about it. One minute she will agree and the next she’s talked herself out of it again.

“Oh, you don’t want me there, darling. I’m just an old fuddy-duddy. What would I even say or do?” she asks looking concerned. “I don’t even know what to wear.”

“Just go casual. A blouse and skirt, maybe your favorite scarf,” I try to assure her. “You’ll look lovely and I think you’ll surprise yourself. Really.”

“Darling, you see me with rose tinted glasses. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. It might even put us in jeopardy. You said Richard attends these things still.”

“He wouldn’t say anything, I don’t think.” Frankly, I’m not sure he wouldn’t say anything to be honest.

“One wicked barb from a jealous lover is all it will take,” Carol says and then let’s out a long sigh, “come here.” She pats the couch. I’m in my pajamas and she’s dressed from work. For once, she had worked late. She positions my legs over her lap and pulls me in tight to hug me. “Now, darling, why do you want me to go so badly?”

“I—I, Carol, I want you to know my friends, to be apart of my life. You’re important to me,” I say to her. She looks into my eyes and I drop them suddenly. “Plus, Genevieve will be there.” Carol strokes my back. “I’m not scared I’ll do something, really. I love you, Carol, but I’m tired of her hitting on me, but I can’t tell her. Maybe if you come…she’ll just get the idea.”

“That you’re taken?” Carol asks her voice possessive and my cheeks color. She kisses me softly. “Then, tell her. If she is to find out one way or the other. I’d rather it be from your words then her stealing a kiss from you.”

“You’ll be lonely. I can’t leave you here by yourself,” I put up my last defense, but then an idea hits me. “You’ll invite Abby over.”

“I will?” Carol asks with a slow smile and a lift of her eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure, darling?” she asks. “We can always go out to a diner or something.”

“I trust you,” I say and take her face. “She’s your friend.” Carol places her forehead against mine and takes a deep breath.

“How I adore you,” she whispers. “How I utterly adore you.” I feel something warm blossom up within me from those delectable words. Her hands graze the side of my cheeks and her lips meet mine. Her teeth nip at my lower lip and that tiny warmth turns into a volcanic rush. I moan. “We’ll make dinner plans with your friends. Have them over. Whomever you like, so I can meet them, but I shouldn’t go to your party. I’m sorry.”

I crumble a little and pull away.

“Darling, if I could I would, but it’s impossible. It’s not safe.” 

I take a deep breath.

“I know,” I whisper. Her arms wrap more securely around me.

“If I could change it, I would. I’d change anything for you.”

“I know, Carol,” I say, lip trembling despite myself. “I…know you would.”

“Please, don’t be upset with me, my sweet.”

“I’m not upset with you,” I tell her the truth. “I just hate…hate that I have to hide you away like I’m ashamed of you or something. Because I’m not! You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want Genevieve to be jealous of you. She would be, you know.” Carol laughs and kisses me soundly.

“You utterly delight me. Now, come on. I’m stealing you. I don’t care if you’re tired. I want my darling,” she says and helps me up. She stretches with a groan and I can hear the pops in her back. Her hand drifting down the curve her lower back and bottom. Her face is marred by pain.

“What is it, Carol?” I ask her concerned.

“Oh nothing, just got to get out of this girdle,” she complains and waves a hand at me to go to the bedroom with her. Her face relaxes and she wraps her arm around mine and drags me to the bedroom.

She peels off her work clothes and quickly works to get me out of my pajamas. I’m surprised she has so much energy after a long day, but I’m not complaining. I’d had a long bath to soothe aching muscles and slept for an hour before Carol arrived home. The sound of the door awoke me and that’s when I had found her settled on the couch, kicking off her shoes and rubbing them.

Her lips burn away the memory of her rejection. Reminding me, how much she loves me. Not just one part of me, but every thing about me. Her blues eyes flutter over my face and down the stretch of my body, lit by the stars and the lights of the buildings.

“Beautiful, utterly beautiful, my angel,” she says in a husky voice. She attacks my pulse point with new invigorated action. Her fingers dance across my naked body, stroking my hips, my abdomen and grabbing my ass tightly. I gasp shakily, everything inside of me feeling like it will explode, before I grab her shoulder and flip her, surprising myself that I’m suddenly on top.

She looks up at me startled and as confused as I am.

“God, I want you, Carol,” I hiss and start attacking her, holding her wrists away from me to hold off the fire that’s billowing inside of me. 

“Darling,” she growls. “Oh…you’re….so…” She loses her train of thought as I lick and suck at her breasts with the care they deserve. My fingers dance and massage down her sides and she moans. I feel the knots and tension there, but continue the gentle ministrations. I press my cheek against her stomach, wrapping my arms around her tightly for a moment.

Her hand drops to my hair as her hips buck.

“Please, don’t stop, darling…oh, what are you doing?”

“Loving you,” I whisper and dot her belly with kisses before licking at her hot silken core. She bucks and guides me as I nibble and suck, before she loses all reason and her body melts into bliss. I grin watching her sink into the comfortable bed.

She draws me up to her for a long kiss as she pants.

“You are quite the naughty lover tonight,” she says and pushes me down against the bed. “No more of that. It’s my turn.”

“I’m all yours, beautiful,” I say with a smile and curve comfortably under her as she kisses me fiercely again. Her tongue stroking my lips in a tender manner despite her ferocity. I shiver under the gentle touch. “Carol,” I moan. 

“Oh, you’re going to have to be patient now, my darling,” she says with a wicked grin as she strokes her nails down my body. My hips buck and she strokes my nose. Her lips graze down my jaw and neck. Her fingers working my breasts with like strokes before her lips nip and tug softly. Her tongue darts quickly and lightly until I’m a shattered mess under her.

“Please, Carol,” I groan under, feeling like I’m going to explode. “Inside me, please.”

Her fingers tickle their way down my abdomen.

“You’re getting quite strong my dear,” she says, patting my stomach. I look down and see the muscular outlines from working with wood most of the day. Panic races through my thoughts. Will Carol think it’s gross? Too manly. My hands go to cover my stomach.

“I’m sorry—“

“Hush,” she says, her lips meeting mine to silence me. “You’re beautiful. I’m telling you you’re gorgeous. My hard, hard worker. My beautiful woman.” Her fingers tantalize my folds and I’m nearly rocked over the edge as she parts them, slightly touching my nub. I gasp into her neck, overwhelmed by all things Carol.

“I—I—need you,” I whimper and her carefully trimmed nails enter inside of me as her palm presses hard into me. I push into her desperately. “Yes! God, yes!” My hips catch her rhythm and stars explode behind my eyelids as the walls of my core press against her fingers. Her arm wrapped around my hips to guide me.

“That’s it, darling,” she purrs against me. “Yes, you’re so beautiful.” She guides me back down to the bed. “So perfect and beautiful.” She kisses me softly. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just noticed it and thought it was so sexy.” She strokes my stomach again as I roll into her, panting for breath. My cheeks are flushed as she strokes my hair to see my face.

“It’s not exactly something a woman is admired for. I’m so not curvy at all,” I mutter. “I don’t know sometimes, Carol. Why you even like me.” She genuinely looks disturbed by my question.

“Where is this coming from, my dearest? How can you possibly doubt my love for you?” she asks, propping herself on an elbow to look down at me. “Is this about the party? Or about what I said? I am sorry—“

“No, Carol,” I say and flop down, dragging my arm across my eyes. “It’s not that I doubt you. I just…I don’t understand why you love me at all sometimes. I’m me and you’re this…goddess.”

“What are you even talking about?” Carol says and it’s obvious she’s warring between amusement and anger. I sigh as she pulls my arm away from my face. “Where is this coming from really? You’re gorgeous. You passed up an engagement, your friend Dannie, and now Genevieve, a young actress, is knocking on your door.”

“I’m nothing special, Carol,” I say, lip trembling.

“Are you feeling sorry for yourself?”

I nod and she kisses my forehead, wrapping her arms around me and holding me tight.

“When you met me, I didn’t have a decent job and I was in a relationship I didn’t want to be in.”

“I was living a lie,” Carol says gently. “We needed each other. I loved your tenacity and charm. Truly, even back at the toy store, I knew there was something about you. You had world-wearied eyes in a body of a girl.” She kisses my cheek softly. “Then, you grew into this fine woman. You’re like fine wine, darling, and I can’t wait to see who and what you’ll become. It’s a marvel that you even chose me.”

“You’re crazy,” I say and nuzzle her chin. “That’s like comparing apples and oranges.”

“We are quite the pair. Do you feel better?” she asks. I nod against her throat and pepper kisses there.

“Getting there. Sorry about that. I don’t usually have pity parties.”

“I touched a nerve,” Carol says and strokes the curve on my side. “You don’t feel beautiful.”

“I guess, sometimes I still feel like that awkward girl getting tossed around in foster care that no one wanted,” I whisper. Her arms tighten around me.

“I want you,” Carol says with carnal emotion. “You’re mine, now and forever. If I could marry you I would.” She kisses me softly. “But that doesn’t matter…you’re apart of my family. You’re mine.” She kisses the top of my head. “I’ll spend the rest of my life assuring you of that.”

“And I’ll spend the rest of my life telling you how beautiful you are…inside and out.” 

“Oh, my sweet. How did I ever survive without you in my life?” She says peppering me with kisses until I’m giggling.

“Carol, stop,” I say laughing as she starts to tickle me.

“Stop?” she asks gleeful and grabs me around the hips and pulls me until I’m flush with her. Her lips right next to my ear. “Never.” I sigh against her.

“I love you,” I whisper, voice trembling with emotion. She chuckles warmly.

“And I, too, love you, my darling.”


	5. The Party Invitation

Phil hangs out the window and waves when he sees me. Then, he looks back into his flat.

“You won’t believe what the cat drug in! It’s Therese Belivet!” He declares jovially. He turns back to look at me. He grins like the Cheshire Cat. “Long time no see!”

“Got any wine up there?” I ask him and he waves before ducking in. When I step into the apartment, already full of people, he takes off my coat and hangs it up before giving me a proper hug.

“So Angus says you’re doing wonders on the set. I’m so proud of you, kid. Making me look so good for recommending you,” he says with a big grin. I smile at him as he tucks an arm into mine and leads me to the kitchen. “Get me wine, Dannie.”

“My kid brother, the jerk commander,” Dannie says with a lopsided smile. “How ya doing, Therese?” He pours me a cup of wine and passes it to me. “It’s been forever.” The boys get a beer and we clink our very different glasses together.

“I’m good. Busy with the work on the set. The director wants it to be perfect.”

“What did you say it was, Phil? _A Streetcar named Desire_ How do you even get a set to look like New Orleans?”

“It’s a great challenge.”

“He says you was knocking it out of the park,” Phil says, raising up on the balls of his leather shoes. He flicks his suspenders. “Doesn’t she look great? All dolled up. Gen’s going to be by later. She got the main part. I bet you guys see each other a lot.”

I blush at his words and take a huge drink of wine. Dannie tops me off again and I think this is going to be one of those nights. Phil catches my blush.

“I’m going to steal you and get all the dirty deets,” he says. “Excuse us, Dannie—“

“Hey, I’m her friend too,” he says, but Phil rushes me out to his bedroom and shuts the door, despite his party happening. “What’s up? Aren’t you and Gen a thing now?”

“Phil. When did you get so interested in my love life?” I chide him and take another drink of wine and push myself up to sit on his chest of drawers. 

“When I tried to set you two up,” he says. “I don’t want you to be lonely at my parties. When I heard Gen was at your play, I just thought…”

“No, I moved in with Carol,” I say and his eyes widened.

“But you broke up.”

“That’s where I’ve been. When Genevieve kissed me, I knew…I knew right then and there that it was only Carol for me. Would you like to meet her?”

“Sure, why didn’t she come tonight?” he asks. “Everyone’s welcome.”

“She was worried Richard would rat us out and she’s probably right,” I admit with a sigh. “We have to be careful. Which is why I’m inviting you to dinner instead. Carol’s a great cook.”

“That’s good, because I know you’re not,” he says with a chuckle and I hit him on the shoulder.

“So? Is that a yes?” I ask him.

“Sure thing. I don’t see why not. What guy wouldn’t want to hang out with two classy dames,” he says with a smile. “Now come on. Just because you got a girl doesn’t mean you can’t have fun at my party.”

He walks to the door and opens it. Genevieve is waiting on the other side. My heart drops a little. She’s far enough away and the music is loud enough that I doubt she heard a thing. 

“You okay, Therese?” he asks.

“Go ahead. I need to talk to her anyway,” I say and he steps passed her. I wave to him when he turns around to check on me again and Genevieve steps over the threshold and closes the door behind her.

“Hey, finally got you alone again,” she says in her raspy sultry voice. The last time we were alone we had shared a heated kiss in Phil’s bathroom. She had let herself in, closed the door, and kissed me. 

She crosses to me and I back up, bumping into the chest of drawers. I can hear Mr. Sandman start playing over the speaker. Her hands land on either side of me as her big red lips curl up over me. A shiver runs down my spine and a panic fills me that happens when anyone gets close, except for Carol that is.

Her perfume is much more floral than Carol’s and more overwhelming in a negative way. My mind snaps back to the time I broke one of my foster parent’s perfume bottle and was whipped so badly I couldn’t walk for two days.

“Therese?” she asks me concerned and backs away a little. “What’s wrong?” I shake my head glad for the chance to breathe and that she didn’t take advantage of the moment.

“I’m not…available,” I say still a little scattered by the powerful memory.

“You have a boyfriend?” she asks, eyebrows raising up and down as if she finds it amusing. “Who is it?” She looks toward the door as if she can see through it. “Is it, Phil? I can’t believe that, because he tried to set me up with you.”

“No,” I say and she looks at me more closely. Why is this so hard to say. “Carol.”

“Oh,” she says and steps back quite suddenly. “Is this a new dame?” I shake my head. “You’re back with the lady that broke your heart?” she asks, reaching out to twirl a strand of hair behind my ear. “If it was me, I’d never allow anyone to break your heart again.”

“It’s not like that. It was complicated.”

“It’s all right, Therese. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” Genevieve says and steps back. She leans near the window and smirks at me. “It’s kind of nice to get it out of the way. Romance always complicates things anyway.” She let’s out a sigh and her eyes fill with a sort of jaded loneliness as she looks outside. “Maybe, we can be friends, you know? I don’t have any friends like me. We usually meet, try our luck and break each others’ hearts.”

“You want to be my friend?” I ask incredulously.

“Why not? We work together and what? You got a secret stash of lesbians somewhere I don’t know about.” The word jars me. Is that what I am?

“I…I don’t know. You kind of make me—“

“Uncomfortable. I’m flirty with everyone,” Genevieve says with a shrug. “It’s my actress persona.” She twirls around. “Like how you’re shy.”

“I’m not pretending,” I say with a frown and cross my arms. She smirks and shakes her head.

“Oh? You are shy then.”

“I’m not. I mean, mostly I’m not. You’re insufferable,” I groan and she laughs again as she approaches me, but steals my wine instead and drinks the rest of it.

“Sounds about right, come on! Let’s go have some fun.”

“Hey!” I chase after her to get my glass and get more wine. We surprise Phil and Dannie in the kitchen. There’s others in the kitchen too.

Genevieve throws her arm around me and tells everyone loudly that we work together as she pours another glass of wine. Then, she steals the first available male to start dancing to “Take the “A” Train.” Her hips swinging and her feet popping. It’s definitely a type of swing, but I’ve never been much of a dancer.

“Everything all patched up?” Phil asks. “She’s a doll, isn’t she?” I hit his shoulder and lean against the counter with him.

“She’s an ass,” I say after another long drink. He laughs.

“Sounds like you made up,” he says and I finally nod.

“Something says I’m going to regret it.”

“You should invite her to your dinner,” he says, drinking his beer.

“Are you serious?” I ask him. He nods. I shake my head.

“My roommate would kill her.” 

He chuckles and invites me to dance to a slower song. Genevieve gives me a cheeky wink and with the last drink I feel comfortable enough to stick my tongue out at her and she laughs fully.

It’s late when I stumble into Carol and Abby having a drink. The tv is off, so it must be after broadcasting hours. Was it really after midnight? I try to look at the clock over the tv, but my vision isn’t helpful in pinpointing the time. I kick off my shoes, staggering a bit.

“Therese,” Carol says, lifting an eyebrow as she rises to her feet to catch me. 

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I had too much to drink.”

“I see that!” Carol says quite startled. “I didn’t know you got drunk at these soirees of yours or would have been more reluctant to send you along.” I giggle into my hand.

“Are you going to punish me?” I ask her and her mouth pops open. She leans over me, mouth near my ear.

“Please, don’t embarrass me in front of Abby.”

My cheeks flush.

“I’m embarrassing you?” I ask her. “I’m sorry.” My lip trembles a little and I pull back, settling myself a little with a deep breath. “It’s late, Abby. You should spend the night.”

“Oh, I should?” she asks in a way that absolutely sounds like Carol. I let out a sigh.

“Yes, you should,” I say more firmly. “You should finish up your night together and I’ll sleep this off. Nothing happened, Carol. It was Genevieve.”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better. I’ll be right back, Abby.”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll make myself at home,” she calls after us. 

“I’m not a little kid, Carol,” I fuss at her as she closes the door behind me and starts to help me undress.

“You can barely stand. If I wanted to live with a drunkard, I would have stayed with Harge.”

I stop fighting her for a moment and tears well up in my eyes.

“You drink all the time, Carol. I can’t let loose one night without you?” I demand. My jaw trembles.

“I haven’t since I started working…well just on my lunch break and a little in the evening.”

“Carol…if you could have a martini in the morning for breakfast, you would.”

“Don’t turn this around on me. You got drunk because of that little hussy and you want me to go easy on you,” she hisses. My cheeks turn bright red again.

“We didn’t do anything. I told her about us and she wanted to be friends. What was I supposed to do? Do you know how hard it is? Not having anyone besides Phil to talk to and he doesn’t get this? He doesn’t understand that I have to pretend all week. And the one night I get to have fun and there’s another woman hitting on me. I don’t understand why you’re so mad, because I didn’t do anything.”

“Nothing happened?” she asks as if that’s the only thing she heard. “You didn’t kiss her or do anything.”

“No! That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

Her hands wrap around my face as she rips me into a passionate kiss.

“I’m sorry, darling,” she whispers. “I was so worried when you were late and then you come in drunk and you said that woman’s name. Look, we’ll talk about this tomorrow when we both have a chance to cool down, okay? I already regret what I said. I’ll talk to Abby.”

I nod. Thoughts still swirling in my head.

“May I help you undress? You seem a little confused,” she says. I nod again, because honestly I just want to flop into bed.

“I don’t usually drink this much,” I try to assure her. “Gen is absolutely crazy. Kept filling my glass up and Phil and Dannie weren’t any help. Said I should let me hair down once in a while because I never do.”

“Well, I guess I should be having a chat with them,” she says. “Oh, I’m just worried for you.”

“I know,” I say, leaning against her as she undresses me and puts me in my pajamas. “Will you come to bed soon?” I ask her with a big yawn. She pulls back the bed covers and tucks me in. 

“Yes, let me make sure Abby is settled and you have some water and aspirin for the morning.”

“What for?” I ask. She pats my hair and kisses the top of my head.

“You really don’t get drunk a lot, do you, my dear? Just trust me. Now, go to sleep.” Her stockinged feet pad out of the room and I hear her talking to Abby because she leaves the door open, letting in some light.

“You got a little wound up there, Carol,” Abby teases her. “It isn’t like we haven’t had a night drinking before.” I sigh glad Abby isn’t judging me too harshly. “She isn’t Harge, you know.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I’m the one who should be embarrassed. I send her out for a party and get onto her not acting proper. Who am I? My mother?”

“You said it, not me. Just relax. Here we are getting tipsy and I know for a fact you’ve gotten drunk with her. It’s about that girl, isn’t it? Therese is head over heels in love with you.”

“I know,” Carol sighs. “I love her too. I just…she’s so young. She can get anyone and I’m this dried up divorcee.”

“Oh shut up. You have a wonderful job, a woman nearly half your age…God, Carol, it’s like you are the most eligible bachelor for women!” Abby says with a chuckle. “Now, seriously, I’m fine. I just wanted to get onto you for Therese’s sake since she can’t right now and probably won’t in the morning. Go to your woman and cuddle up with her. I’m sure she needs it.”

“You’re staying?”

“Of course, I’m staying. Therese invited me. Is she making breakfast?”

“It’s dreadful. You wouldn’t want her to try. She can make plain oatmeal and that’s about it.”

“No sugar.”

“I told you…” Carol says and trails off. “She’s not that kind of girl.”

“Oh, right. Then, you better make breakfast,” Abby says.

A moment later, Carol is undressing and curling up next to me. I murmur, turning over and cuddling up into her soft, warm body.

“Oh, you smell like wine,” she grumps.

“You’re just jealous you didn’t get any.”

“Cheap wine?” Carol wonders out loud and I cover my mouth, starting to snicker. “Oh you…” She kisses the top of my head. “You’re probably right. Now, go to bed. You wild thing.” She pulls me closer and I snuggle up.

I thrust myself out of bed and hit the wall where I think the door to the hall should be to reach the bathroom in my apartment.

“Shit,” I grumble, holding my head and cover my mouth.

“Therese?” Carol says concerned and then it all floods back. I live with Carol. “Over here, darling.” She crawls out of bed and leads me to our shared bathroom, popping open the lid of the toilet so I can vomit adequately.

When I’m finished I press my head against the porcelain.

“I’m never drinking again,” I moan. She chuckles and wets a washcloth to clean my mouth. Then, she helps me sit on the toilet, flushing it and offers me a toothbrush with toothpaste. “I’m sorry for last night. I never get drunk. Why am I drunk?” I look up at her confused as if she knows the answer. She just looks amused.

“You blamed Genevieve,” she says and I groan again.

“I don’t like her.”

“You don’t? Sounded like you were chummy last night?” she replies and I shake my head, making my head hurt worse. She helps me back to bed, making sure I take the aspirin and drink the water.

“She drives me up the wall.”

“So not a friend?”

“Maybe?” I say confused. “Does that bother you?”

“Maybe,” she admits. “But it shouldn’t. You’ve been so good with me and Abby. I’ll trust you too.”

“Thanks. I won’t get drunk again. They all teamed up on me.”

“You said that. Maybe your friends know when you need to not take yourself so seriously,” Carol says, stroking my thigh. 

“I’m rather good at that, aren’t I?” I ask her and she nods with a smile. “You’re being awful nice about this, considering I came home drunk.”

“Oh, I let my temper get the better of me last night. Went into quite a tizzy, but you let me have it right back. I am sorry, Therese,” Carol says, looking utterly ashamed of herself. “Even Abby got onto me. I doubt she’ll let me live it down today. Which reminds me, I ought to make you guys breakfast. Why don’t you rest some more, maybe that aspirin will kick in.” She pats my side and helps me slide back down.

“Love you,” I murmur and she kisses me softly on the lips.

“I absolutely adore you,” she assures me, before wrapping herself in a robe and preparing breakfast for all of us.

Half an hour later, I settle down at our table. It’s all pastel greens and whites with a checkered floor. Carol is in her sexy apron over her housecoat. She offers me a cup of coffee. It isn’t long before, Abby walks in rubbing her eyes and accepting a cup of coffee from Carol.

She plops in the seat next to me.

“Isn’t it sickening, how chipper she is in the morning?” Abby says, waving in Carol’s direction. “You’d think someone who can stay up as late as she can wouldn’t be so awake in the morning.”

“Yeah,” I say with a smile and gaze adoringly at my industrious girlfriend. “She’s pretty great.” Abby snorts.

“You’ve got her trained so well already, Carol. How’s the head, kid?” she asks me. I grimace. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not like Carol and I are known for being light drinkers.”

“Abby, don’t start getting onto me too when you drink as much as me.”

“Hey, don’t be so touchy,” Abby says and Carol drops off the food.

“Isn’t this penance enough to make you both good food?” Carol asks us.

“You did fuss at her quite a bit, Carol,” Abby says. “Do you even remember?” I shake my head with a smile, offering an arm to wrap around Carol and bring her to me.

“Guess it’s better this way. She’s says I didn’t take it laying down.”

“Oh you two went at it all right,” Abby says. “Fine, I’ll keep my nose out of it,” she says and I snort again. “What’s that? You want me to tell you all the dirty details.”

“No!” Carol and I say in unison. Carol and I look at each other and start laughing. I groan, gripping my head.

“Don’t make me laugh.”

“You guys are something else,” Abby says and starts eating her food. “I’m just surprised you invited me to stay the night.”

“I did?” I ask surprised myself. “Well, it makes sense. It was late last night. I’m glad you did.”

“You are?” she asks me and looks at me. I see the concern there and reach out and take her hand.

“Hey, I’m sorry for how I treated you on the way back to New York City. I know you did it mostly for Carol, but you wouldn’t have just wasted all the time for just anyone. Thanks for getting me back and making sure I didn’t completely fall apart.”

“So you’re not going to hate me forever?” Abby asks. I shake my head.

“I was just jealous before,” I assure her. “I know you care about Carol and you don’t hate me. Well, mostly.” I smile at her and she shakes her head.

“I don’t hate you at all! I never did,” she says a little too loudly. I flinch again and rub my head. “Whoops, sorry. You better eat up. The eggs and bacon should help. I just can’t believe you came home drunk.”

“Things got a little out of hand. I swear, Genevieve was more excited about having a fellow friend than she was a girlfriend.”

“Really?” Carol asks. She has settled down on the other side of the table, drinking coffee and legs crossed now. Her silk pajamas peeking out and her purple matching slippers.

“Yeah. Let me see, what did she say?” I try to think back to the foggy memory. “She cornered me in Phil’s room and I told her about us like you wanted. Then, it seemed like this weight came off of her. She said it was better this way so we didn’t break each other’s hearts and could be friends.”

“Well, isn’t that charming,” Carol says drolly.

“I think she’s lonely. I don’t think she has any friends like us. All of her um…lovers I guess, left her jilted, not like you and Abby becoming friends.”

“I guess we were lucky,” Abby says looking over at Carol who reaches out and squeezes her hand. 

“So are you going to try to be friends with her? Sounds like you are terribly different,” Carol says.

“Yeah, she’s a lot wilder than me,” I admit. “But…I don’t know. It was nice to have someone in my circle who gets it. I’ve never had any friends who were girls before either.”

“I don’t think you’re going to win this one, Carol,” Abby says behind her coffee cup. Carol frowns at her friend.

“I suppose not. Therese is her own woman after all. Who am I to tell her who to be friends with? Just promise me you’ll be safe. If you ever need a ride home, just call me instead of taking a cab by yourself. Someone could take advantage of you in that state,” Carol says and squeezes my knee. “I’m sorry I got on to you when you came home. I was just so concerned and…and jealous.”

“It’s okay. I don’t even remember it,” I say with a smile. “I’m sorry for getting drunk. I really shouldn’t have.”

“It’s not okay. You said a lot of things that were true and I said some things I regret. I’m the last person who should be getting on to you about drinking. I’ll try to cut back, darling. No drinks until evening and not on a workday especially.”

“Really?” I ask her. Abby is looking at her surprised.

“Really,” Carol says with a warm smile. “We both need to be safe after all.” I wrap my arms around her and kiss her firmly on the lips.

“Get a room,” Abby says and crosses her arms. I look at her and grin, before returning to my seat to finish my food. It’s going to be fun to tease Abby that’s for sure.


	6. The Dinner Party

We’re watching the news one evening. Carol has an ice bag on the back of her neck, eyes shut from a light headache as I massage her feet on the couch. My own feet are tucked under her warm bottom. She blinks at me.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” she wonders with a smile. It’s easy to smile back, even though I’m tired too. I love the feel of her warm skin under my cool fingers. The bones in her feet are long and her toes are elegant, much more so than mine. Even her nails are painted perfectly. I don’t know how she keeps herself looking as if there is never a hair out of place even at this hour. This is the most I’ve ever seen her relaxed.

“Are you going to tell me about work?” I ask her. She gives me a shrug and sigh, reaching for her cigarette. She puffs it, thinking her answer. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she processes what she is going to say.

“I was under sales quota and the boss let me rightfully have it,” she says matter-of-factly, stabbing the cigarette out. “I started out so smartly, but now that the holiday season is over it’s been hard to push things at our current prices. I can’t wait for summer. Maybe people will want a change.”

“You think people are scared to buy?” I ask her curiously. She shrugs again.

“What do I know about such things? People always get a little antsy when the government starts talking hydrogen bombs and a president changes over, especially one with a war history. It makes people nervous.” She waves toward the television, where the news has the president making an announcement as he signs something. It looks official.

“This bill grants the authority to federal agents and department heads to fire any, and I mean, any employees indulging in what we call ‘sexual perversion.’” President Eisenhower announces frankly. Carol grabs the remote, feet tense under my fingers, and she snaps the tv off with a vicious movement.

“That’s enough of that, I do say!” she says. “Ridiculous. Talking about us as if we’re sub-class.”

I lift up her foot and kiss it softly. She turns to me, practically melting into the touch.

“It’ll be fine, Carol,” I try to assure her.

“Perhaps we’ve made it through the worst of it,” Carol says. “Stuff like this has been happening for years.” She rubs her face. “But the need to have laws against something that seems as natural as breathing? Why do they care if we’re together.”

“Shh,” I say and climb over her and kiss her gently. “We’ll figure it out.” She let’s out a sigh and squeezes me to her.

“You’re always my angel, aren’t you?” she asks. “I never thought I would ever love again and yet, every day I wake up to you and every night you are here to put up with my moods.”

I nibble on her earlobe to distract her from the news, to distract myself from it.

“I love your moods,” I admit. “Every. Single. One. Of. Them.” I emphasize each word with kisses and she moans.

“To bed, at once!”

“I thought you were tired,” I tease. She grabs my wrists and drags me to our bedroom.

“You saucy little thing!” she declares and throws me on the bed for a fun romp.

***  
It’s a week later, when Abby is helping Carol cook a dinner for both Phil and Genevieve. She had managed to get herself invited after all, desperate to meet Carol and any other potential lover as she declares it. I spend those few moments before they arrive cleaning the apartment and picking up the mail downstairs.

I drop the newspaper on the table with a thwack, making Abby and Carol look up from their chat over a boiling pot. Abby walks over with a troubled look and sees the front line of one of the articles in bold print.

“Begin Purging the Perverts,” she says stunned. “Really? God, what is this country coming too? Are they creating concentration camps now? Rounding us up to murder us in gas chambers” She shudders at the thought. I do too. I’d just been a kid when the radio announced the truth of what the Germans were doing overseas. 

“I didn’t read it…I couldn’t bring myself to,” I admit sheepishly and Abby plops down in a chair and plows through it.

“Oh, thank god. It’s just talking about that ridiculous executive order that Ike put up. Listen to this, ’the pervert is easy prey to black mail.’ Well, it wouldn’t be so god damn easy if didn’t you make it! If we didn’t have to hide the truth at all costs. Damn it. He’s encouraging everyone to take his lead and fire anyone who suspected to be a pervert.”

“Abby,” Carol says with a frown. “Put that away. We will have no political discussions over the table. We might embarrass Therese with her friends.”

“We wouldn’t want to do that,” Abby mutters, shaking her head. She throws the newspaper in the rubbish pile. “I can’t wait to meet these friends of yours.”

“Who invited you anyway?” I jibe her since we’re more friendly now. She laughs as Carol glares at me.

“Be nice, you,” she says flapping her apron at me. I love to see Carol in her apron. I practically drool every time.

“Oh yeah?” I say. “Says who?” I grab her by the waist and kiss her cheek.

“Get a room!”

“I do need her,” Carol replies with a chuckle, ignoring Abby’s exclamation. “I need my friend for moral support. I can’t be overwhelmed by your youthful friends. I refuse to.” I pinch her side playfully.

“Like you could be overwhelmed by anything. You’re absolutely the most unflappable—“ The bell rings, announcing our guests. “Oh! They’re here! I’m going to get it.” I kiss her cheek again and leap out of the kitchen.

“So much energy,” Carol breathes behind me.

“She is your girlfriend,” Abby replies cheekily and then I reach the door, throwing it open to reveal both Phil and Genevieve. Phil snags a hug first, before Gen pops a kiss on my cheek, and I drag them both into the kitchen as we get passed the how are you’s and welcomes.

“Man, this is a swanky apartment, Therese.,” Phil says, eyes plastered to the view.

“It gets better,” I assure them and wave them into the kitchen. I fly to Carol’s side. “This is my girlfriend, Carol, everyone. Carol, that’s Phil and Gen.”

Phil and Gen’s jaw drops straight open and I grin at Carol. She definitely has that affect on people. Carol’s lips are twisted in amusement.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you two,” Carol says, patting my hand on her arm. Dare I even see some pink on her cheeks from being so boldly presented? “Though I must say, I’m a little offended you both went after my Therese darling, when she wasn’t on the market anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil says, looking slightly abashed. “If I’d known, Miss Carol.”

“Just Carol will do.” I grin as she manages to leave everyone off balance as she has a way of doing.

“Once she told me she was dating I never touched her again, swear,” Phil says. Gen is elbowing him in the side.

“Therese is definitely dating up. You didn’t say you had a hot sugar momma.”

“A what?” I demand. “What’s a sugar momma?” I step toward Gen and Carol grabs my arm tighter.

Abby starts howling and Carol shoots a frosty look at Gen. Her fingers tighten around my arm as I move forward.

“I am not Therese’s sugar momma. If you can’t be polite, you know where the door is,” Carol snaps, turning on her heel and simultaneously releasing me.. “I have to finish up supper.”

“Ouch,” Gen says.

“What is a sugar momma?” I turn to Abby who is crying now with laughter. Carol swats her with a rag.

“You be good,” Carol says. “Make yourself at home, darlings. Ignore my rude friend, Abby, over here.”

We manage to get around the table before Abby has contained herself enough to enlighten me.

“A sugar mommy is an older woman who offers riches to a young woman to garner her interest. To the naked eye, it might appear as if you are a sugar baby, Therese, but it’s not very astute of your supposed friend.”

“You enjoyed it though,” Gen says cockily.

“Because of the look on Carol’s face. Not much can knock her off stride, but you sure did. It’s nice to meet you, Gen,” Abby says and offers a hand. Gen takes it as if she’s a lady.

“The pleasure is mine and just so you know…” she leans forward conspiratorially. “I’m on the market for a sugar momma.” 

“I’m afraid I can’t lavish you with such wealth as Carol. She’s been through a divorce. My wealth is all locked away in an inheritance,” she says smoothly. I cover my face with my hand. “You know stocks, bonds, and property, very little is liquidated.”

“This was your idea,” I shoot at Phil, completely mortified by Gen’s behavior.

“Darling, offer our guests something to drink,” Carol calls from the stove. “This will be ready shortly.”

“Right. Beer or wine anyone?” I offer, rising to my feet. 

Abby and Phil want beer and the rest of us take wine. I pop open a bottle and pour us glasses and Carol is carrying over the lasagna to place on the table.

“Wow, this looks amazing, Carol,” Phil says still looking sheepishly at her. She smiles dotingly at him.

“Just wait until you try it. My mother’s housekeeper gave me the recipe.”

“I bet it’s delicious,” Gen says, seemingly turning on her good manners finally. Carol serves the salad and lasagna to everyone sitting down. Carol’s had drops to my back when she finally serves herself and strokes my neck, before sitting down next to me. Her hand staying near my neck until my hair stands on end in a pleasant way that gives me goosebumps.

“So I’ve heard so much about you,” Carol says with a warm smile to Phil. “Tell me how are things down at the office? I happen to know Charlie.”

“You mean my manager?” Phil says with a cough as he wipes his face. He’d been plowing through Carol’s amazing lasagna like there was no tomorrow. 

I’m amazed by how good it is. I shouldn’t be, because Carol has the culinary skills of a professional chef. She knows how to organize a little get-together like this, because I imagine she hosted larger dinners and parties for Harge on the regular. It was all apart of her duties as a housewife before.

She looks at me and squeezes my hand. I notice she hasn’t even taken a bite yet.

“Carol, you should eat,” I whisper in her ear. “Relax. You don’t have to do everything by yourself.” She looks at me pleasantly.

“Yes, I do know, Charlie. He was a good friend of my late husband, Harge. I think I even sold him a desk chair the other day.”

“That thing is a monster. I bet you made great commission on that!” Phil says and Carol chuckles again.

Carol ignores my request for her to loosen up and proceeds to keep the wheel moving and the guests talking. She refills their plates and cups, reserving them food. I barely catch her take a few bites of salad discreetly before she tells me to retire to the living room with the others while Abby and her clean up.

I feel somewhat confused as I enter the living room with Phil and Gen. Part of me feels like a child banished from the adults and the other sees how this is probably how a dinner with Harge went. The men would all go to the den and talk manly things while the women cleaned up. 

I usher the others to the chairs. They don’t seem put off at all.

“Got quite the housewife there, Therese,” Gen says, popping out a smoke and passing it lit to Phil before getting another for herself. “Her friend isn’t so bad either. Is it hard dating someone so much older than you?”

“No, most of the time it’s easy.”

“How did you meet again?” Phil asks leaning forward. He seems to be trying to redirect the conversation, knowing that Gen rankles me.

“Oh, it’s funny that. She showed up last Christmas while I was selling dolls that wet themselves at the store. She was looking for a gift for Rindy, her daughter.”

“Her daughter?” Gen says. “Does she get to see her?”

“That’s none of your business,” I snap and turn to Phil. “I sold her a train set instead and she left her gloves accidentally on the counter. I mailed them to her and she called me to thank me and ask me out to lunch on my break.”

“Woah-ho,” Phil says, bouncing in his seat. “So it was love at first sight? I didn’t know you had it in ya, kid. That’s really swell.”

Gen gets up and gazes out at the city skyline, cloaked in night. She puffs on her cigarette, shaking her head.

“You lucky son of bitch,” she says to me with a smile, shaking her head. “I hope, Abby likes me. She’s much more of a firecracker than Carol.”

“Do you even like her?” I ask. She shrugs.

“Of course, I’m interested. I just want to get to know her better see if we are a match. That’s all. You can’t tell these things immediately unless, well you are you and Carol,” she says, shaking her head. “Not all of us have our names written in the stars as clearly as others.”

“You’ll find someone, Gen. I don’t know who it is, but you’ll find someone,” I assure her and she smiles, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder in an authentic moment when she’s not cutting jokes or saying something to get a rise. I wonder what gave her that sharp veneer, other than people hurting her.

Carol walks in with Abby with a drinks and a little snack. She places it on the table, dolling out the drinks, before sitting next to me on the armrest of the chair, legs crossed as her hand rests on my thigh. My hand snakes around her waist.

“Thanks, Carol,” I say and lean up to give her a kiss on the cheek. She stiffens before relaxing. Eyes dart over to Gen and Phil, who are chatting with Abby.

“I can’t wait to have you to myself again, not that I don’t enjoy your friends,” she admits.

“They can be a handful,” I say which a chuckle that makes the others look up.

“Aren’t they so cute,” Gen says and Abby hits her on the shoulder lightly.

“You’re just terrible. Tell me about being an actress. Are all actresses this cheeky or just the ones from New York?”

“Just the New York ones,” she assures Abby. The night drifts on and before we know everyone is ushered out and Carol is heading back for the kitchen. I catch her arm and swing her back into me.

“What was that?” I ask her.

“What was what, darling?” Carol asks me, lifting an eyebrow.

“That show you just put on in front of my friends?” I ask her. She shakes her head and pushes me away gently before stepping into the kitchen.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” she says. “Don’t make a pleasant evening sour, dear.” I frown. I don’t like it when she calls me dear like that.

“Carol, don’t. I’m not trying to ruin the evening,” I say. “But—“

“But what? What it wasn’t satisfactory?” Carol demands. “Was it the wine? Was it too fancy? Was it the lasagna? What didn’t meet your expectations this evening?” She jabs her finger into my shoulder and her eyes blazes with an anger that surprises me.

“What are you talking about?” I demand. “It was all perfect! Why are you yelling at me?” She pauses as I rub my shoulder. Her eyes cloud over in confusing.

“It was perfect?” she asks me as if that was the last thing she expected me to say. “Then, why? I don’t understand. What do you want from me?”

“I wanted my girlfriend, not a housekeeper,” I say softly. I feel tears crest and run down my cheek. My lip trembles. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I just…you never…it felt…a little too perfect. I wanted you to be able to relax and meet my friends.”

Her arms circle around me suddenly as she pulls me close.

“Hush darling,” she whispers. “I’m sorry. Harge and his mother were never satisfied. I reacted in poor judgement, but…” She pulls away and takes my face. “I can’t do what your asking either. This is part of who I am. I loved putting on the show and being your housewife. I wanted to please you. I’m sorry if I didn’t.” She bites her lip.

I bury my cheek into her shoulder.

“You like that? You didn’t eat anything? And you kicked me out of the kitchen…”

“But we talked for a long time. Were you upset that I kicked you out of the kitchen?”

“Yeah, I guess so…I felt like a bad little kid again. My foster parents would always kick us out of the kitchen when they were in there.”

“Well, I’m willing to compromise. You can stay in the kitchen while we clean, but someone has to keep the guest entertained.”

“Can’t we just leave the cleaning for later?” I ask her.

“Oh…we have to put up the food and take care of the wine. Plus the cheese would have been terrible if we had let it set,” she says, squeezing me. “I know you don’t understand, but it was better this way. I’ll try never to ask you to leave the kitchen again.”

“Okay and Carol, you really were perfect. That lasagna was amazing. You should try some,” I say and drag her into the kitchen. I fish out some and put it in the oven to reheat.

“Darling,” she says softly. “I don’t eat stuff like that.”

“Just eat a little more, Carol. You barely ate anything today. I know because I was here. Two bites of salad doesn’t count.”

“Oh you know, I have to stay fit for my young and very attractive lover,” Carol says, toucher her stomach and slender backside. I tilt my head, crossing my arms.

“Are you kidding me?”

“I’m not,” she says much more seriously. “My metabolism is much slower than yours, Therese. You don’t want me fat, do you?”

“I want you happy, Carol. Are you happy?” I ask her.

“I’m happy with you, darling,” she says, still looking nervous. “What if there comes a time when I’m not enough?”

Pulling Carol into my arms, I look deep into her eyes to try an assure her.

“Big as a house, small as a mouse, you’re perfect for me,” I assure her. “I’m never leaving you, Carol. I can’t imagine never being attracted to you either.” I kiss her soundly and the oven timer dings. So I pull out the lasagna and cut out a real serving for her. “If this is too much, I’ll help you eat it, but you’re eating supper.”

We get a plate and another glass of wine to share and we eat together. The love that night is slow and warm, like fire in the fireplace. It fills in the nooks and crannies of Carol’s body, all the curves, and the places where the bones stick out, and the birthmarks and the stretch marks and scars. 

I adore her. Every inch of Carol is worshiped.


	7. Just an Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I was really debating on how to do this chapter and work has been crazy. It's short, but I'm planning to update more this week now that I've written this.
> 
> Also thank you for all your lovely comments and sorry I couldn't keep up with them this time. I treasure and value each one as much as you. While I love writing, you guys encourage me to write even when it's challenging and I think it's helped me grow a lot. Thanks doesn't seem to cut it. You guys are amazing, encouraging, and some really cool people. :)

Several Months later

Carol and Abby are in the audience. I spot her looking stunning in a light blue evening dress and her fur coat thrown over her arm. Her red lips curl when she sees me wave from the stage. She nods her head, and I duck back behind the curtains, heart thumping. She looks so amazing. She really came. I don’t know why I didn’t think she would, but she did. When someone calls my name, I turn to get back to work. I’m working in one of my nicer skirts and blouses, so I still have freedom of movement.

The play goes on without a hitch. Gen strolls off the stage and grabs my arms, leaping up and down before planting a kiss on my forehead.

“You’re coming to the cast party, aren’t you?” She asks as I nod with grin. “I saw your roommate.”

“Uh-huh,” I say distracted. “I have to finish up. You have to get back out there in a few. You did really great. You knocked it out of the park, Gen.”

She goes back out to clapping and hollering, lit by the beaming spotlight. She really deserves it. She did do a great job. We all did. When I finish up tidying the backstage for tearing it down tomorrow with the other stage crew members, I step out into the foyer looking for Carol.

I spot her talking to one of our actors and Gen, a photographer behind them. Gen’s hands are wrapped around the actor’s as if they are an item, but she’s leaned forward, animatedly talking to Abby.

Carol spots me and nods, walking over. We’ve done this a million times, meeting in public. A swift shake of the hand, a brief kiss to the cheek, and step away. My heart throbs in my veins and I feel like I’m being sucked into her orbit, longing to melt into her gorgeous perfect self.

Time seems to slow down and stop the moment her lips touch mine. I forget everything for a moment. I’ve felt her lips on mine so many times before and it seems so natural to be there, sinking in and losing myself.

The flash bulb goes off and time suddenly reinstates itself like a slap as someone rips me away from Carol.

“That’s enough, break it up,” comes a gruff police officer’s voice. I feel cuffs slide around my wrists. 

“What? Wait, a minute,” I say and try to look at him, but he jerks me farther away from Carol as the room breaks out in yelling and chatter. Carol’s face is marred by shock, smeared red lips parted and eyes wide as her hand glides over her mouth.

“Therese, Therese!” she says. “It was my fault. Let her go.”

The cop is leading me out of the theater house to the squad car. It’s all happening so fast.

“Therese! I’m sorry. I’ll fix this,” Carol yells as Abby hushes her, holding her at the door. Carol's hair is instantly ruined by the rain. The director runs toward the cop, down the stairs.

“What’s going on?” he demands. Rain soaking through his white button-up and his tie loose. “What’s going on here? She’s on my stage crew.”

“She’s a pervert,” the cop barks and shakes my arm hard. “That’s all you need to know.” The director stops stunned and he looks at me.

“I know for a fact—“ he starts, but the cop, points up to the photographer.

“Tell that to the New York Times,” the police man snaps and throws me in the back of the car. 

Dazed and confused by what just happened, buildings and rain drops swirl passed the window as out of control as my life. One minute, I’m on top. I had the woman of my dreams, in the city of dreams with an amazing job and now…now what? The taste of Carol is still on my lips and her perfume cloaks me. Is our dream shattered by one mistake?

The car stops suddenly and he leads me up a narrow staircase to the local precinct and attaches my cuffs to a chair and has me sit down.

“Put her on the books, Joe,” he says. “I’m going to get a cup of coffee.” He starts to walk off.

“What’d she do, mate?” Joe barks and the cop turns and frowns at me.

“Indecent and perverse act. She was caught kissing some fine lady in front of God and country in the play house down the street.” He walks away and Joe writes that down.

“Name.”

“Therese Belivet.”

“Oh, you an immigrant?”

“No, I was born here.”

“Parents were?”

“No. Czech.” 

He blinks at me and scratches his head, writing something down.

“Where do you live?” he asks and writes down my answer. He asks me several other questions. I have no idea how to answer any of them.

“Do I get a lawyer?” I ask him meekly and he laughs as he leads me back to where the cells are. There’s a group of men in one and he thankfully puts me in the opposite one by myself as the men catcall me. Without the cuffs I move to the bench in the back, pull up my knees and hide my face. Desperately trying not to cry and failing.

***  
It’s much later that night when the cop who arrested me is in his street clothes and walks up to the door of my cell. At first, I think he’s releasing me. I get to my feet and see the look in his eyes and my stomach drops.

His eyes are dark and glassy. The other men are fussing and not in a good way. 

“All you need is a man’s hand,” he slurs. I run to the corner but have no where else to go. His hand grabs my shoulder, the smell of liquor hits me and he flips me against the wall.

“No, no, please. Stop,” I scream desperately. Hearing him unzip his pants as his other hand moves up my thigh as I struggle harder. He punches me hard three times. Pain lances through me. My head hits the concrete hard and the world spins roughly.

“Hey, stop that,” cries another voice full of authority. “Get off of her, Rege.” Suddenly, the man on me is ripped off by a younger officer I don’t know. “Go sleep it off, you idiot.”

“Son of a bitch,” growls the officer as he wanders out of the cell. The other cop moves towards me, but I cower away, lifting my hands.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says patiently. “Come on. Let’s get you into a private cell, so no one will bother you.” He leads me out of the room to some place quieter. There’s a cot and a blanket. He wraps it around me, before locking the door. “I’ve got the keys. You’re safe here.”

He comes back later offering a wet rag, some food, and coffee. I pick at it, dabbing the rag to a bleeding spot on my head. He leans against the bars.

“My brother’s, you know, gay.” His lips purse thoughtfully. “No one knows on the squad, of course. No one can know. He’s a big time banker on Wall Street…You know that photograph is going to be front and center tomorrow?”

I nod with a miserable swallow of the terrible coffee.

“What were you thinking?”

“It was an accident.”

“Well, it was a royal fuck up of an accident.”

“I know. Will Carol be okay?”

“Who’s Carol? The other dame. Yeah, she’s at the front desk giving everyone hell which is why Rege is all drunk. He hates when a pretty woman yells at him. He gets enough at that at home. She’ll be fine. She’ll have to pay up, but you need to worry about yourself. She has a name and money. What do you got? Nothing. Orphan, kid of immigrants. You’ll be lucky if you don’t get six months in prison, kid.”

“Six months?” I demand. “For a kiss.”

“For a kiss in public that made the papes, kid. Someone’s got to pay with the president all up in arms about the Reds.”

I put the food aside, suddenly not hungry.

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“Don’t know. Not many women get arrested unless they play dress up and try to get into trouble. You’re different like my kid sister. Just a little girl playing around.” He smokes a cigarette and offers it to me. “Just an accident.” I shake my head fiercely. Carol wasn’t an accident, rubbing my nose and cuddling into the blanket. I don’t want to argue with him. “Look, it’s late. You need to try to sleep. What do you want me to tell her.”

“Carol?”

He nods.

I stare at him.

“Tell her I’m sorry.” It’s the safest thing I can think of. I love you seems too dangerous after the kiss. Who’s to say this man is my friend? Nothing.

He pats the bars, puts out the cigarette on the concrete wall and turns out the light in this part of the building. Only a beam of street light interrupts the strange darkness of this cold, dreary place and I think about Carol getting my message. Thunder rumbles. I have no idea what is going to happen, curling up tighter I sob. 

It was just an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek, I did as much research as I could, but not sure about this chapter...please let me know what you think. I can change it.


	8. Coming  Home to Carol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be lucky and get another chapter this weekend! The wheels are rolling. Let me know what you think. You guys really inform the story in positive ways. :) Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter. It was really helpful.

Snapping awake to the cell door opening, I shoot up and backwards against the brick wall. My sight swims as I see the friendly cop. The one that has a little sister and a gay brother. He looks tired, eyes red and his shoulders sag.

“Your boyfriend’s here to pick you,” he says, sounding exhausted. I don’t know what he means, but I don’t have the words to ask. I barely slept. I’m surprised I had even fallen asleep. There’s grey morning light beaming through the window as I force my stiff limbs to move. “Interesting how it was the fancy lady that paid the bill though.” I swallow and quickly follow him out of the jail and to the front of the station as his words wash over me. Carol paid for met get out. How much did it cost?

I have no idea who will be waiting for me, but my heart leaps when I see Dannie. Instantly, I’m in his arms and he embraces me tightly. It’s the first time I’ve felt safe since leaving Carol’s arms.

“Oh god, you’re okay, kid. You’re okay, Therese,” he says, voice shaking with emotion bottled up. “Come on, let’s get you outta here. This is no place for a girl like you.” He draws back and sees my face. Eyes widening in shock as he turns hot eyed to the cop. “What the—what happened? Why does she have a shiner?” The cop frowns at him and I tug on Dannie’s arm.

“Let’s just get out of here,” I beg in a quiet voice that doesn’t sound like mine. Dannie looks at me, softening. “Please…” He nods, wrapping an arm around me and leading me toward the door.

Outside, it’s still gloomy and rainy. He opens an umbrella and slides his coat over me.

“They didn’t even let you grab your coat. Those bullies.”

He waves down a taxi and opens the door, making sure I don’t get wet. Then, he ducks in himself, closing the umbrella with a shake. He gives an address that I don’t know and I toss him a confused look.

“We’re going to Abby’s house,” he says. “It’s where Carol is.” I nod, wondering why she’s there and not our apartment. My chest feels so tight, like I can barely breathe and I can’t stop shaking. “You all right?” He reaches up to touch the bruise on my head and I flinch as pain lances through me. “What happened to you?”

“I—I—“ the words stop up in my mouth like cotton. I shudder and he pulls me tight against him. He makes sure his coat is wrapped tightly around me as he rubs his hands up and down my arms.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, sorry,” he says as a sob shakes through me. I bury my face into his shirt.

“I was so scared,” is all I can manage.

“I’d be too,” he says. “I should go back there and give them the what for.” I shudder against him and squeeze my eyes shut as my head pounds.

“It’s okay. You’re out. That’s the important thing. I ain’t never heard of them putting a lady away for this kind of stuff. They’ll just slap you on the wrist. They wanted to scare you is all, those wretches.”

He strokes my back and makes me keep his handkerchief. We finally pull up to Abby’s two story brick house in a good neighborhood. He makes sure we rush to the door and I nearly trip, but he catches me. Abby opens it, ushering us both in.

“Oh, look at your face,” Abby says, hugging me tightly. But she’s not the person I want to hug.

“Where’s Carol?” I croak and she turns us around and next thing I know I’m in Carol’s arms breaking down completely.

“Oh my darling,” Carol says, completely torn up and yet happy to have me back. “I’m so, so sorry.” I can barely hear her over my wretched sobbing. She leads me to the couch in the living room and sits me down. It takes a long time for me to be hiccuping as she holds me against her. I finally notices he’s in a red blouse and grey pencil skirt. I hold onto her as tight as I can messing up the lay of the fabric. Carol doesn’t seem to mind. Her arms are just as tightly wrapped around me.

A saucer of warm tea enters my line of vision and Carol accepts it for me, nursing it into me. I realize Abby made the tea and Dannie is standing at the kitchen door. She doesn’t say anything, just squeezes my shoulder and slips back into the kitchen with Dannie.

I look up at Carol, tears run down her face. She doesn’t have a spot of makeup on and her hair is a mess. Even her blouse isn’t fully tucked in properly, sticking over a mismatched belt. This is not a Carol I’m used to seeing.

“I am so sorry, Therese,” she says, seriously. “I-I let her get to me and I lost my, my temper.” She covers her mouth. “I’ll never forgive myself. I’ve ruined everything. I’m dreadfully sorry.”

“Huh?” I ask her confused. “It was an accident. I-I kissed you. I’m sorry!” The tears start to roll own my cheeks again.

“No, darling. I walked over there to make a point. To show that little brat that you were mine. I didn’t see the camera. I didn’t know it was there. It was Gen. I’m so ashamed. She said—she was going on about us being roommates and how she was going to set you up at the party and how strange it was that we were even roommates. I don’t know what came over me. I just…I just forgot.”

“Carol,” I whisper. My mind reels at the thought of what Gen had done. Had she known what she was doing? She had to know the camera man was there. “It’s okay…”

“No, no it’s not.” Her face crumples and her hands ball up into fists on her skirt. “I’ve ruined everything.”

“We’ve still got us,” I say quietly and her blue eyes meet mine worried. “I’m still here.” She nods stroking my hair where it’s most tender and I make a face.

“Carol, you should really let her rest a bit and eat. That needs to be looked a after too,” Abby says, breaking the moment. “She needs to rest after the night she’s had.” Carol nods robotically.

“I need a bath,” I admit. “I feel filthy.”

“Someone hurt you, didn’t they?” Carol asks, mouth a tight line. I feel her body stiffen. I rub my head, it’s hurting so bad.

“Not like that,” I whisper and look away. “He…almost did…” It takes me a moment to even say the words as the horrible memory shook through me. I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry again. My head hurts too bad. “Someone stopped him.”

“I’ll help clean you up. That cut is rather bad,” Carol murmurs and helps me up. The world totters a bit, but she holds my elbow tight and leads me up the stairs to what I can only assume is Abby’s guest bedroom. 

“Why are we here?” I ask Carol. She looks at me worried and kisses the side of my head that isn’t hurt.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” she replies, but her voice says so much more. She starts the bath and leaves me to get undressed in the guest bathroom attached to the room. When she returns with my pajamas and robe I’m surprised she had the foresight to bring them.

“You’ve been to the apartment,” I say and she nods. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes, but you need to bathe and sleep. It’s nothing that can’t wait. It all can wait now. Abby and I, we’ve taken care of it.” I nod, swaying on my feet, because I am tired. I barely feel like I slept last night, too terrified to sleep or dream.

The bath is hot and Carol helps me slide in, pulling up a stool. As I bathe, she carefully washes my hair and I’m surprised to see how much blood stains the water and how it’s clotted into my hair. I hiss and Carol makes soothing sounds as she kisses my other temple. Her fingers gentle as she cleans the wound.

“My poor angel, let me take care of you.” 

When I’m finished, she pulls the plug and helps me up. Her hands expertly towels me off, making me think of her bathing Rindy. She helps me step out the tub and I lean on her as my balance seems off and I’m so tired and shaky.

She helps me dress and ties my robe up as we walk to the bedroom. On the bed, she brushes my hair and I insist on taking the brush and brushing hers too. She chuckles softly, but sadly.

“I must look a fright. I fear, I’ve been a bit beside myself without you,” she admits with a sigh. “I was so worried.”

“I’m here now,” I say and she nods, tearing up again.

“Therese, I’m so sorry.”

“Hush,” I say and pull her close. My lips find hers and she tastes of salt and sadness today, but she is still mine and a warmth rekindles inside of me. “I love you, Carol. Now and for always. Please sleep with me. I don’t want to be alone, right now. I’m scared.”

She nods, wrapping her arms around me, helping me up from the end of the bed and pulls back the covers, tucking me in and kissing my forehead, stroking my wet hair away from my forehead. She slips to the other side of the bed, knocks off her shoes with two soft thumps and slides in as best as she can restricted by her daywear as she is. 

I turn into her, curling up tightly against the stiff warmth that’s her. She begins to melt as much as she can in a girdle, belt, and skirt. I nuzzle her neck and she makes a soft noise as she wraps her arms tightly around me.

“I missed you so much,” she says. “You mustn’t ever leave me again. I will absolutely go crazy without you, darling. I cannot bear the world without my Therese, without my angel. You’re much too important to me.”

My heart feels so broken, but warm with love for Carol. I’m hurt yes, but I love her so much. I press my head down into her chest, all out of tears. So grateful to wrapped in the safety of her arms. Finally, the world narrows down to her, the gentle strokes of her fingers on the back of my neck and hip between my pajama top and bottom. I sigh falling deeper into Carol.

“I love you,” she says. “I love you so very much my sweet, sweet angel.”


	9. Bad News All Around

Groaning, I stretch and wince when I awake in a strange place, to a muted conversation not far from me.

“Carol,” I croak.

“I’m right here, my darling,” she says and within moments she’s by my side, still dressed in that lovely red satin top. “Here, drink this.” She helps me sit up a little to drink some water and take an aspirin. 

“Where are we?” I ask, befuddled and muggy from sleep.

“We’re at Abby’s,” she says. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” I say and hug her to me. I take in a deep breath of her and her perfume rolls over me like a blanket. “I’m hungry. What time is it?” She smiles and laughs a little.

“She’s better,” she says over my head. “It’s evening now. Abby made a wonderful tuna noodle casserole. Want to come downstairs and have some?”

“I can bring some up, Carol,” Abby offers. I look around Carol and find Abby on the end of the bed. I smile at her, still tucked into Carol.

“I’m fine,” I say. “I need to stretch my legs and we can talk properly.” 

“Oh darling, that can wait until morning,” Carol tries to put me off, but I kick my bare feet off the bed.

“Give me a moment, Abby and I’ll dress—“

“Oh don’t be kookie. Throw on your robe and come down with us. I’ll warm it up and get you something to drink. What do you want?”

“Got any wine or something harder?”

“Whiskey.”

“Yeah that’ll work,” I say.

“I don’t know if that’s good for her head, Abby. Let’s hold off on the drink. Give her a coke instead,” she says and I pout at her. She smiles at me, stroking my hair as Abby slips out of the room. She gets up and grabs my robe. I stand up, must less shaky and let her put it on over my pajamas. She ties the belt for me and bends down to kiss my lips.

“I feel better having had you in my arms today,” she says against me softly. She rocks me back and forth a little.

“Me too. We’re such a mess,” I say and take her arm. My stomach growling loud enough for both of us to hear it. She chuckles, scratching my lower back as we descend the stairs together.

The smell of the tuna heating up permeates the air and Abby has a coke on the table and two glasses of whisky for her and Carol. We sit down and I munch on some saltines while we’re waiting. Carol and Abby smoke a cigarette, but we don’t say anything as I rest my head against Carol’s shoulder, her arm draped over me.

“You’ve got your color back,” Abby says finally. “You looked frightful when you walked in with Dannie.” I blush.

“It was a bad night. I didn’t hardly sleep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carol asks. Slowly, I tell them about the events at the police station. It comes in stops and starts, interrupted only by the tuna casserole. I plow through two big servings as Carol and Abby talk about filing a formal complaint about my treatment, but their anger eventually peters out into a dissatisfied helplessness.

I sit back against Carol as Abby gets some chocolate pudding out for us all to share.

“Feel better?” Carol asks me. I nod with a smile. She kisses the top of my head. 

“Okay, I want to know what’s going on,” I say. “Something’s up.”

Abby and Carol look at each other. Carol’s cheeks turn red.

“I know you probably imagine that I have quite a bit of money with the apartment we keep,” Carol says, “but actually…I didn’t actually take anything from Harge since he has custody of Rindy. The truth is he has everything.”

“Wait, when did this become a talk about money?” I ask. “We’re fine, right? Between your job and my job…”

“Let’s be realistic, darling, what jobs? Tomorrow, we won’t have jobs. The post put our picture in today front and center. I’ve already been fired,” she says, matter-of-factly puffing on a fresh cigarette. “Without severance or paycheck. I put everything down on your bail. It was quite a tidy sum they put on you.”

“They aren’t even going to charge you formally,” Abby says. “So no jail time. The bond was the punishment.”

“All your things…”

“They evicted us. The cops and the doorman had a nice chat apparently last night,” she says with a frown. “Abby had the foresight to grab some of our things, but I doubt we’ll see anything else. I’ve got notice of our eviction this afternoon.”

“B-b-but, this is crazy,” I mutter. 

“We live in a particular neighborhood and they have stringent rules about who can live in that apartment,” she says. “Once they got wind…” Her lips purse.

“Wait a second, you don’t have any money? Not that I care, but it just doesn’t make sense. Surely you have something from your family?”

“When Harge and I were married our money went together. But it’s more complex than that really. We put all my money into a fund for Rindy’s college, because we didn’t need it. I didn’t need it. Maybe when my parents pass away I’ll get more of an inheritance, but fat chance of that happening now with this. Running off with my young woman lover isn’t going to really help matters. I do have a brother who they are much more satisfied with who will probably get everything…I’m sorry, Therese. I’m sorry I can’t take care of you like I wanted too.”

I shake my head.

“That’s not why I’m asking. I was just confused. Carol! I’m just…that’s terrible. You deserve something. Harge took all your money!”

“No, darling. Rindy has all my money,” she says, patting my hand. “I’m okay with that. I want what’s best for her. I should have been more careful with my money after leaving him, but I was so used to living at a certain standard. It’s hard to change, especially at my age.” She shrugs a little and takes another drink of whisky.

“Then, tomorrow I go down to the theater and see if the director will keep me and I can get my check.”

“The plays over, Therese. Don’t you have to be picked up by another play?” Abby says quietly. I nod.

“Usually by the same director or he recommends me to another or people should be slamming down my door honestly after my set with the Streetcar Named Desire.”

“It was glorious, Therese,” Carol hums sadly. “You did so wonderfully and to have it all ruined by me.”

“Enough of that. We were both caught kissing,” I say. “Don’t blame yourself. We’ll have to find a job and a place to live then.”

“You can stay here as long as you need to, of course,” Abby says quickly. I look at her and smile. She gives me a tired smile back. 

I shake my head and rake my hand through my hair.

“This is crazy. It’s happening so fast,” I murmur as Carol hugs and kisses my cheek. “What are we going to do?”

“One step at a time, darling. You’re always so pragmatic. Here I’ve been panicking and you just take it all in one big gulp and think so cooly about it.”

“It isn’t the first time I’ve been penniless,” I say and nuzzle her. “I’m sorry you had to pay my bail.” 

“Now, don’t you start,” she says softly and the night slips through our fingers. 

***

The next morning, I’m down at the playhouse early. The set’s already taken down. The director is in his office on the phone. I pause waiting for him and he shoots me a look and pales. My jaw clenches.

He quickly makes an excuse and hangs up the phone. 

“Come in, Therese. Shut the door,” he says. I step in and close it behind me. John has been a great director. He’s calm, direct, and rarely yells. He knows what he wants and how to get it. Right now, though he doesn’t look like any of those things and rakes his hand through his loose brown hair.

“You really fucked up, Therese,” he says and shakes his head. “Great for the play, but terrible for you.” He writes me a check and tears it out of the checkbook. “Good publicity, going out with a bang with all the buzz you’ve made.”

“It was an accident. Carol and I aren’t…”

He waves his hand.

“I don’t care. You know half the people I hire are…it’s the way things are in theater,” he says. “It’s not about that, Therese. It’s about selling tickets.” He hands me the check. “Here’s everything. It’s better if you don’t come back.”

“But…have you heard anything? Anyone wanting to pick me up or maybe you can recommend me…this is too much. I haven’t finished work—“

“You don’t get it,” he says and shakes his head. “You’ll need this. If I could give you more I would, but you’re going to be hard pressed to get a job in this town after being front and center in the papes, kid.”

“But, John, you saw my set. Tell me there’s not a better one in this city.”

“There’s not a better one in the city, Therese,” he says, sounding exhausted. 

“You’re just going to chuck me out like the trash then?” I ask him, hurt.

“I can’t risk taking you on again. It will affect sales and put everyone else who’s gay in danger. People will start to think I’m hiring you guys…”

“Damn it, John,” I say annoyed. “After everything?”

“I’m sorry, Therese,” he says. “My hands are tied really. I’d have you in a heartbeat, but we’ll all be on the streets if I keep you.”

My lip trembles despite me being livid. I turn toward the door. My hand grips the knob.

“Therese. Please,” he says. “If this blows over in a few years…maybe…maybe I can do something.”

“Right. Thanks,” I say and slam the door behind me. Suddenly, I’m facing Gen. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you to show up. Therese, I want to say I’m sorry,” she says. “I never meant to have you arrested.”

“You’re sorry?” I ask numbly. She looks confused. 

“What happened to your head?” She asks and I jerk away from her touch.

“Fuck you, Gen,” I snarl quite suddenly. “I know that you egged Carol on. Why? So she’d get arrested?”

“It’s not like that—“

“You ruined our lives,” I say angrily. “For what?”

“She’s too old for you, Therese,” Gen melts. “You should be with me.”

“Fuck you, Gen. Stay out of my life,” I bark and start to walk away. She grabs my arm and I spin, punching her hard. There’s one good thing about being raised in foster care is that you know how to defend yourself. 

Gen stares up at me from the floor, covering her bleeding nose and looking shocked.

“Leave us the hell alone. Understand me?” I stand over her and she nods. “If you ever talk to Carol and me again, I’ll make you regret it.”

I spin on my heel and walk out of the theater house, tears running down my cheeks. Gathering myself in a quiet corner, I wonder what Carol and I are going to do. I’m not even sure if Bloomingdale’s will hire me now. I better see how bad this is.

I walk up to a newspaper stand.

“Do you have yesterday’s paper?” I ask him and he looks at me for a moment and nods.

“Take it for free,” he says and hands it to me. I walk away and look at the front page of Carol and me kissing.

Perverts is in bold and it’s a long article about theater, culture, New York life, and how perverts can destroy it. It’s mainly focused on me being the culprit as if I stole Carol from her marriage and induced her to kiss in public. Shaking, I throw it away and wonder if there really is something wrong with me.

I never felt that way once with Carol. Not even when Richard was fussing at me while we were dating. When I’m with her, it just feels so right. Shutting my eyes, all I can see is Carol in her mink coat approaching me in Bloomingdale’s. The smell of her perfume, the sound of toy trains and children gabbling about toys, and those grey leather gloves softly hitting the glass counter.

It’s as if it was yesterday and a decade past. It was a time when things weren’t complicated, but I barely knew who I was and what I wanted out of life.

Taking a deep breath, I settle myself. Think, Therese. What do you need to do for you both. You can’t just think about yourself this time. You both have to find jobs. Which means you better start searching. Surely, someone hasn’t read the papers.


	10. On the Road Again

It’s unbelievable, but after a month Carol and I haven’t managed to find jobs. Abby is being a doll about it. She refuses to let us pay for food, despite the fact that we have to be eating into her limited income. After scouring the city high and low, Carol and I aren’t very enthused about our options. We both know we can’t stay with Abby anymore.

“Carol…I know you have Rindy here and that’s important to you, but we can’t survive like this,” I say to her softly one morning as she sits, drinking her coffee and looking through the help wanted ads. We’ve been collecting papers farther and farther from the city, but always come back to Abby’s house to have a look before we start calling or setting out.

She looks up at me, placing the cup down.

“I’m not breaking up with you, darling. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me…It’s not like Harge and his family will let me near Rindy with a ten foot pole now after that article,” she says, shoulders slumping. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“We have to leave,” I say to her. “We have to go and find a place to live that’s not here.” She looks up at me confused.

“Will that solve our problem?” She asks, sounding a bit scared.

“If we can get far enough away no one will know us. It won’t solve the problem of this happening again. Starting anew will be hard. We have limited funds. What I’ve got left over from the play and what you’ve got. Once that’s out, it’s out.”

Carol shakes her head.

“If we get stuck out there with no money…two women with no contacts…what do we do?”

“Call Abby, I guess. She can come and get us. But I don’t think it will be hard for one of us to get a job. It might look weird if we both get a job at the same time…especially in a small area. We have to decide where we’re going.”

“I think, we should just start driving. The New York Post reach might be farther than we anticipate. The weather’s nice…let’s go down the coast before driving to Route 66. What do you say, darling? I think if I go with you, I’ll be brave enough to leave.”

“Maybe we can think of something else?” I say without much hope.

“We’ve had a month to think of something else. You’re right, darling. It’s time to put all the chips on the table and strike out in uncharted territory. Let’s go West, as they say.” Despite the fact, she’s said these words without excitement it does stir something inside of me. Other than traveling with Carol last year that was the first I’d ever been away. I wonder how far we would go.

Carol let’s out a dreadful sigh.

“I suppose we should start packing,” she says. “We ought to leave sooner rather than later.” She starts to stand, taking her coffee cup and throwing away the stacks of paper.

“I’ll go shopping for food. Maybe Abby will loan us a picnic basket.”

“I’m sure she will, darling,” Carol says distracted. “Take the money I have since yours is in the bank. We’ll fetch it in the morning. You shouldn’t have to do everything today.”

I kiss her cheek.

“Okay,” I say and take the money from her wallet. She hands everything to me, a hundred and fifty dollars. Shaking my head, I hand most of it back.

“Carol, I only need maybe five or ten dollars max. That’ll be safer in the house. You shouldn’t carry it around.”

“What? Is someone going to take it in plain sight?”

I give her a look.

“We have to be more careful now,” I say to her. “It’s not like we can replace this easily.” I wave the ten dollars at her. She nods distracted and I worry she hasn’t understood what I meant. She kisses me on the cheek.

“Okay, dear. I’m going to get our stuff together and tell Abby when she gets home.” That won’t be long. She had popped into the city to eat lunch with a friend.

I walk down to the local super market to grab what we need. My desire is to purchase a lot, but I know that won’t do us any good. Most it wouldn’t keep in the car for that long, especially this time of year. So I buy as if we are making a short trip. There will be other stores along the way. 

If any thing is on sale I grab it, but if anything is too much I pass over it. Tuna sandwiches, cheese, crackers, bread, bananas. I walk away spending less than five dollars like I thought I would. With heavy bags, I walk back home as fast as I can, feeling like I’m on the run for criminal behavior rather than leaving the city to be with Carol.

My heart aches, because so many of our hopes and dreams are here. Will our meager savings be enough to get us where ever we are going? Will we be able to put down for an apartment? Get a job? What will our life be like away from New York City? I can’t even imagine, because my life has always been here just like Carol’s.

When I get home, Abby is fussing at Carol upstairs. I put the food on the counter, except for the few odds and ends that go in the fridge. Upstairs I pause at the door, seeing Carol packing our suitcases and Abby with her arms crossed.

“This is a terrible idea. If something happens to you two—“

“We’ll be fine. We’ll have to be fine,” Carol snaps as if she’s finished with this conversation but Abby is still gnawing on the bone. “I told you, we don’t have a choice.”

“This will all blow over in a few months.”

“A few months? What if it’s six months? Can you really support the both of us for two more months or most likely even more?”

“I can support you,” Abby says. “Maybe, maybe Dannie can take in Therese.” Carol balefully looks at Abby.

“No.” It’s so hard and crisp that I let out a relieved sigh. She isn’t going to make me leave. They look up and my cheeks color.

“I’m back,” I say lamely. “From the grocery store.” Abby’s lips purse.

“I didn’t mean long term, Therese. If I could keep you—“

“It’s not an option so drop it, Abby. Therese stays with me,” Carol says. “I’ve already tried life without her and I don’t care to try again. We’ll call you every major stop, every few days. Now, we need a map and a picnic basket. If you truly want to help that’s how to help us.”

“Oh and if you hear of a place for us to live,” I say a bit dryly, because she pissed me off with her comment about throwing me out. She rolls her eyes.

“Of course, if I hear something I’ll tell you, but this is absolutely crazy. You’ve got me here and Dannie. What do you have out there? Nothing, no one. It isn’t going to be easy. The world isn’t going to magically accept you.”

“I know,” Carol says and grabs her arms, speaking softer. “I know you’re worried about us. I’m worried about us too, but we don’t have any options. We choose us. Whatever that looks like the good and the bad.”

Abby stares at her for a long moment broken hearted.

“Fine,” she breathes out. “I’ll be downstairs when you’ve finished.” She turns and walks out. Neither of us speak until she is down the stairs.

“Well that was delightful,” Carol murmurs without her usual dry humor. Walking around behind her, I wrap my arms around her and place my head on her shoulder. I can feel her tense muscles, but to my surprise she sees to melt into me. She turns around in my arms after a long moment, takes my face and kisses me long and softly until a warmth starts to build within me. When I chase her lips, she smiles seductively, but I can also see the tiredness in her eyes.

“I didn’t think she’d be such a stick about this,” Carol admits. I let out sigh.

“Me neither. Are you okay? I know Abby’s opinion is important to you.” Stroking my cheek, she thinks about it for a moment.

“Yes, we’ve made the right decision for us. We may come to regret it, but right now it’s the only decision that involves us staying together and that’s what I want,” she says and kisses me again. “Now! I’ve got all your stuffed packed. Will you help me with mine?” I groan when she pulls away and she chuckles softly. “How about we clear the bed and have a fun last romp?”

That gets me moving.

***  
When evening falls, Abby is in a quiet mood. We have dinner with her and Dannie swings by to say goodbye. He gives Carol and I a big hug and promises to visit wherever we land. Then, suddenly he’s gone and I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

Carol sits with Abby well into the night. I finish last minute preparations and take a bath. In bed I wait for her and she finally comes upstairs well after midnight. 

She falls into my arms and I feel the tears on her cheek.

“I’ve never been so long without Abby, not even with Harge,” she says. “She’s my best friend, darling.”

“I know,” I murmur into the darkness. I squeeze her tightly, because sometimes there isn’t words to fix the situation. Her lips find mine and we kiss softly, but neither of us have much energy now with the weight of tomorrow on us. Instead, Carol pulls me to her, wraps her arms around me securely and we rest together.

The next morning comes earlier than I want and for Carol too. We both groan out of bed after barely sleeping. We eat a light breakfast with Abby. She helps us carry our things out, giving Carol a fierce hug and kissing her on the cheek. Before either of us know we are driving down the coast just as we had made plans too.

Unlike the trip before I’m holding a map. Carol is still Carol. Blonde hair perfectly made up under her scarf, red lips, but with a nervous pull along the lines around her mouth that reminds me of our last trip. Instead of the weight of a divorce and losing Rindy, we’re now traveling away from our home into uncharted territory.

On the upside, the weather is pleasant. We’re deep into summer with cool mornings and hot days. For the mornings we drive with our windows up, but by noon we have to drop them as damp perspiration gathers on our skin. It’s well into mid-June.

Looking at the map, the distances don’t seem that far, but remembering our last trip we traveled days just reach mid-America. How long would it take us to get wherever we are going now? Will we reach California? Surely, we would find someplace before the money runs out.

Someplace for the both of us to work and live a quiet life together. Maybe, we can finally find our home together. One that will last.


	11. The Port in the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting times these days. I'm quarantined in Spain. Thankful I have my doggy. Thankful to have a wonderful story to write for a great group of gals. Stay safe and maybe we'll see more chapters this week!

The tone of this roadtrip was very different from the start of our roadtrip a year ago. I had felt hopeful, thrilled, and even a little scared of what would happen. This time hopeful and trilled are definitely not in the mix. I’m more than terrified something will happen to us, but I keep on a strong face for Carol. 

She’s a nervous wreck, smoking, trembling, and trying to make a good plan for travel despite the weather. Hot and rainy, growing more humid in the car by the day. The rain has poured consistently along on trip, making Carol even antsier than normal. Thankfully, the Packard has weather conditioning that helps a bit. I assuage her with tuna sandwiches and listening to her explain about the motel situation for the twelfth time.

The first two nights, we stayed at our normal places along the way, sharing a room with two twin beds. We, naturally and happily sleep cuddled together. Too exhausted for much more than anything other than that.

The second night, I drag an exhausted and fussy Carol into the shower with me and help bathe her. By the end of it, she is resting her head against my shoulder as I dry her off and wrap her carefully into her pajamas.

“My angel, my darling,” she croons in a gravelly voice before collapsing in bed gripping my waist tightly as I peer over the map and worry about the thunder and the pelting rain and wind outside. The storm is only getting worse the farther south we go.

So much for Carol’s idea to see the beach. We won’t be seeing much—other than rain. I kiss the top of her forehead damp with sweat already, but still smelling of soap.

The next morning, it’s lightened up slightly. The motel owner warns us to stay, but Carol wants to make it to North Carolina today. I don’t argue, because I’m feeling hopeful with the rays of sun peaking out of the clouds, despite the wind. The Packard makes me feel safe. 

I never realized how the end of the last roadtrip effected me. I’m terrified that I’ll wake up one morning and Carol won’t be there. That she’ll have gone home and given up on me, leaving me out in the middle of nowhere again.

I don’t tell her that of course, but the fear of being abandoned is so fierce that it leaves me trying to prove myself as useful and obedient as possible to please her. I don’t know if I can survive her leaving me again.

The rain picks up midday. It doesn’t stop. Again, we don’t have places to stop for regular breaks. Carol pushes on despite the rain pouring heavier and heavier, talking about North Carolina and Virginia Beach as if it’s heaven on earth.

By two o’clock, neither one of us can see the lines on the road or the exits. The wind buffets the car and the trees look like they are going to spring up off the ground when I catch sight of them.

We push on at a sluggish pace. Carol takes a break around four, rubbing her eye, on the side of the road. I try to feed her, but she refuses. My heart pounds in my chest and Carol looks so wan and tired. She’s utterly frightened. I don’t know what to say or do. We’re in a damn hurricane and there’s nothing we can do about it now.

We try to find a hotel or motel or even a diner to stop, but everything’s country along this road. Eventually, we spot a lighthouse in the dark around nine o’clock. We know neither of us will make it to civilization, but parking near a lighthouse at least feels like something, like we’re trying.

We pull up, the wind buffeting the car even harder as we stare out into the sloshing water on the windshield and catch sight of massive waves off the coast. I unbuckle my seat belt, slide to Carol and we wrap our arms around each other.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” her voice trembling. I squeeze her, shutting my eyes.

“I love you, Carol,” I whimper, so scared we’re going to die here, like this. My mind flashes to all the terrible ways it could happen: the car flipping, something breaking the window…maybe we can—

Suddenly, there’s a banging on Carol’s window. We both jump, terrified of what might be out there. A burly white bearded man in a yellow rain coat and hat peers at us, motioning Carol to lower the window as he yells something indiscernible over the wind and rain.

Carol lowers the window an inch to reveal grey blue eyes filled with concerned. 

“You need to get inside. It’s only going to get worse and colder! You’ll be safer inside. There’s a room you can stay in.” He’s begging us to come into safety I realize, not giving up as we stare at him in shock and fear.

Finally, Carol opens the door. 

“Our bags!” She calls.

“I’ll get them. Get inside now!” He yells us, pushing us toward the door. We’re already drenched as he opens the back and grabs our two suitcases.

Inside, there is crates and boxes along the outer walls, but it’s already feeling safer. The wind isn’t as loud in here and the building isn’t shaking.

The man steps in, drops our bags, and shuts the door, locking it closed. He takes off his hat and rain coat.

“I’m not even going to ask what you pair are doing out there at this time of night and this weather. Now, come on. My partner saw you guys up top. Lucky for you.”

He grabs our bags and heads for the spiral staircase.

“Come on. I’m taking you to a room. You can stay there and I’ll sleep on the couch in the kitchen. The door has a lock on it in the bedroom. No one’s going to hurt you though. Both Rich and I have got wives back home that’ll string us up for messing with you or leaving you out there to fend for yourself.”

The next floor is a kitchen, filling the whole room and a wood stove. The third floor is blocked off into rooms and he opens one of them to reveal a bathroom. Then, he pops open the door next to reveal a low barrack style bed with a grey blanket and green trunk in front of it. He places our bags down against the wall.

“Isn’t much, but it’s better than that car outside. There’s more blankets and towels in the trunk. I would recommend just going to bed after supper. The storms not leaving any time soon and you pair look like miserable kittens. I’ll be right back with the food.”

“Your name, sir,” Carol finally finds her voice, turning to him sharply. He scratches his head and nods.

“Vernon,” he replies.

“I’m Carol and this is Therese. Thank you so much. I dare say, you’ve saved our lives tonight,” she says. “Will my car be okay.”

“If the winds don’t take it,” he says. “But that’s a heavy looking car. I was more worried about the windows getting knocked out. Just not safe. It could get worse at any moment. Flood even.”

“Right. I believe you,” Carol says. “Thank you again.”

“Get settled. I’ll bring up soup, water, and tea,” he says. He leaves us like that. 

For a moment, we stare at each other exhausted by the day’s long events. Then, we are in each other’s arms clinging to each other again despite the fact that we are utterly soaked to the bone.

Inside the lighthouse it’s colder and soon we are shivering violently. I close the door and lock it, knowing that we need to get out of our wet things now.

Turning to Carol, I start undressing her.

“I’ve got it. You need to get undressed too. You’re lips are turning blue,” she says. Her pale skin nearly translucent. We hang our clothes about the room and get dressed in pajamas when a knock comes to the door. Carol throws on her robe and I do too.

Vernon is there with the food, looking away.

“Here you go,” he says and starts to leave.

“Is there some where to dry our clothes?” Carol asks.

“In the kitchen there’s the stove. I’ll put more wood in and hopefully it’ll get warmer up here,” he says. He takes our clothes. “Come down in the morning when you wake. No rush. You guys need the rest. We’ll be here.”

“Thank you again,” Carol says.

“At six in the morning, Rich and I trade off. So you’ll here him in the bathroom and settle in the other room. He’ll be up to make breakfast at ten or eleven. If he’s not up, feel free to help yourselves.”

“Thanks,” Carol says, still shaking.

“Get warm,” he says and leaves us. We fetch as many blankets as we can find in the trunk and crawl under them. Then, we eat the soup while it’s warm and drink the tea. It’s almost eerily quiet in the lighthouse. Rain smacking the window only, but the sound of the wind muffled and far away.

Carol’s hot breath hits my forehead as she shivers again. The bowls sit on the nightstand with the metal tin cups. Our bellies full of warm food.

“I’m so sorry, Therese.”

“Don’t.”

“We’re going to get killed.”

“I love you. We’re okay. We’re okay, Carol. We’re going to be okay,” I say. “Don’t leave me.”

“Darling…I would never…” she sounds shocked as a sob escapes me. “I’m yours and you are mine, always.”

“You left me on our last trip,” I whimper into the chilled skin of her collarbone.

“Times were different then. I was different. I can no more breathe without you. I just want you safe.”

“I don’t want to be safe. I want to be with you!”

Her lips are hot and needy over mine.

“I’m yours, darling.”

Even though we are so very tired, and in the wake of the adrenaline rush I feel heady and emotional. Tears stream down my cheeks as I return her kisses fiercely.

My fingers struggle against the buttons of her pajamas and she moans against my mouth. Her teeth nips at my bottom lip and her tongue soothes it. 

Gasping, I kiss down the hollow of her jaw and feel one too many ribs when I open up her pajama top. I really must find a way for her to eat more.

She bucks against me, gaining space as I whimper with need as she pulls my top over my head. She catches my face and the blanket falls down chasing goosebumps down my skin. Her hands trail down my spine as she pulls me close.

Pushing her down, I tug the blanket over our heads. I feel her smiling against my neck.

“I adore you,” she breathes. My hips buck against her thigh. I’m too slick to gain purchase. She rolls me over and devours me with heat that sizzles and crackles against my flesh like a campfire. I bathe under the warmth of her tongue and tug her as tight to me as I can.

Her fingers slip into my folds and find me hot, needy, and oh so ready.

“Carol,” I breathe. “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, darling. I’m right here. I’m never leaving you,” she says with such surety. “I’ll never leave.” Her lips and teeth and tongue trail the promises across every curve and valley of my body. 

The chill has been banished. Replaced by sharp breaths, sweat, and comforting humidity. It’s just us. Raw and naked, two forces crashing together in the night.

I whimper and buck against her fingers, panting as she sinks into me. My walls closing in around her as my arms tighten and she picks up speed and adds another finger.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god Carol!” I hiss and make a muffled noise tight in my throat as everything sparks alive under my skin like the hurricane outside. I bend like a taunt bow against her ready to let the arrow fly. 

Her hand hooks around my bottom as the world narrows into a brilliant point.

“I’m right here. I’m right here,” she whispers, guiding me down. I sob again. “I’m here, my darling, my angel. I’m not leaving.”

“Oh my god, Carol,” I whisper. She pulls the blanket down from over our faces and the cool air rushes in against my flushed face. She nuzzles my throat with my nose.

“Are you okay?” She asks softly. “Why are you so frightened? I haven’t left you.”

“I—I don’t know. When things get crazy, sometimes I get scared and Abby said that thing about you staying with her and me going to Dannie’s. What if you change your mind and do that? What if things get too bad out here and you don’t want to be with me anymore?” I’m babbling and she places a finger against my lips.

“Darling, I choose you. Every day, every moment, every breath…it’s you, Therese. I’ve lived without you once. If I had to do it again I wouldn’t survive. So please, please stay with me.”

My bruised lips meet hers as I roll on top of her. Her skin slick with our passion. She moans against me. Her hair is messy, her eyes soft and vulnerable in a way they’ve never been. The soft curves she had just started to gain with me were already fading to even harsher edges after our long month and the last two days of skimping meals. Too many ribs, the hip bones protruding, and that soft belly taunt and the skin too loose.

She moans against me, trusting me to love her no matter what and my heart surges in my chest, because I do. It doesn’t matter what form her body takes, she’s mine. She’s my everything. She’s my port in the storm.

The heat between us begins to sizzle and pop even brighter as her hips move against mine. My fingers find her silky hot core as my lips suck against the pleasant nipples that refill my own core with amber liquor hot and soothing. I moan against her and she pushes up and I follow her, refusing to let her go.

“Therese,” she says. I kiss my way to the other nipple and press my fingers into her as many as she will take, waiting for her to adjust before finding her pace. She easily dictates it, pressing my head to her chest tighter. “Oh darling, angel—ng—“ She’s lost in the obiss of pleasure as I smile against her.

I suck for a several moments longer, pulling out my fingers, and stroking her stomach until she returns to me. Her eyes are glazed and exhausted, blissfully happy. The last of our energy poured into this one moment. 

“I love you,” she says hoarsely. I nod against her chest.

“Carol.”

“Mmm, my sweet, sweet girl?”

“I love you too. Always and forever.”

She pulls me to her tightly and I nestle into the warmth that is her. Tonight, I do not need to worry about being alone or scared. Not with Carol.


	12. Out in the Middle of Nowhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry my updates are taking so long. Things have been a little overwhelming, but I'm grateful to have the energy to write and my fellow captive, Tali, aka my rescue dog.
> 
> I was not expecting this chapter or the characters or the location...I don't even know where this came from.

The rain abates the next morning. We eat breakfast with our other light house attendant Darryl. He’s a little younger than Vernon, but just as friendly. He helps us get our bags in the car after we say goodbye and thank Vernon. Outside, the sun is bright and cheery with a few clouds in the sky as if last night didn’t happen, but the fallen tree limbs, trees, and flooded ground tell a different story.

We navigate the roads carefully running into a few sprinkles, but for the most part we are able to reach a local beach and we spend the day wandering the messy shores.

For a moment, Carol seems like her old herself as she laughs in the wind and the sun. Her gold hair pulls at her cheeks and into her bright blue eyes. She stares out into the blue horizon and I find myself spellbound by her beauty yet again. Her lithe body silhouetted by the sun, ever confident and poised, turns to me as her eyes narrow and a smile curves her lips. I smile, knowing it all too well as I run into her arms and she hugs me, laughing. Her mouth easily matches mine as I stand on my tip toes.

Both of us are reluctant to return to the car and get on with our journey. We’re hungry though and our food supplies have dwindled enough we ought to find a cafe or a grocery story. We finally reach a town and get some food from the cafe and stop at a local general store.

We continue the rest of the half day getting to the other side of the state before stopping. We’ll let tomorrow be the day we cross the Smokey Mountains.

The next few days resume without much difference other than the gorgeous scenery. The mountains are amazing and the trees are like carpets of green. Carol waxes on about how she will take me back here one day in the autumn and we’ll stay in a cabin. I love dreaming with her.

It isn’t until we reach Route 66 and Southern Missouri that one of our tires blow. Carol curses under her breath as she pulls the Packard over bumpily on a nonexistent curb.

“Damn it,” she mutters and smacks the wheel with her hand. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

“You’ve got the spare right?” I ask.

She looks at me and nods, lips pursed.

“I do. I’ll need your help, darling,” she says as she controls herself with a deep breath. 

“We’ll manage it. Have you ever changed a tire?” I ask softly.

“No, but I’ll manage.” She straightens her shoulder and grabs the door handle with a confident hand.

She gets out of the car with me behind her. With the trunk open, I start grabbing some of our bags to get them out of the way. We tried to pack lightly, but we were going for much longer than a trip…this is our lives tucked into the trunk. She finally reaches the tire door and opens it. 

I see her face turn white as a sheet as she reaches down into the pit. Instead of grabbing the tire and pulling it out, she presses downward. I dart to her side and see with horror that the spare is flat. She looks at me stunned and nearly in tears.

“I forgot to check it,” she says, lip trembling as she leans weakly against the car. I rub her shoulders and arms. Then, I pull her into a hug.

“It’s okay. We were kind of in a rush,” I admit. “It’s okay, surely someone will drive by. Help me get everything back into the trunk.” 

We rest in the muggy heat against the car, explore the wooded side of the road, but nothing seems to be going on this Sunday afternoon.

I examine the map and I guess we’re farther from Cuba than Rolla. It’s hard to tell in the middle of woods though. I just know we’ve been driving for twenty minutes.

“Carol, we’re going to have walk.”

“I’m not leaving the car,” she says and crosses her arms. 

“Then, I’ll send someone to help,” I say firmly. She glares at me, unhappy with that answer. “I’m not going to risk it getting dark out here and we’re not even sure where we’re at in the middle of nowhere!”

She let’s out a puff of air.

“If someone passes by you can have them pick me up along the way, but I’m going,” I say stubbornly and start walking. Suddenly, I hear Carol trotting after me in her high heels. I stop and wait for her to catch up. Then, we walk together stiffly on the road in a single file line.

The sun is cresting against the trees with what feels like half an hour later when an old brown truck passes us and pulls over. There’s a man and woman in their Sunday finest. Swallowing, I approach the car as the woman rolls down her window.

“What are you doing out here?” she asks, brown eyes wide.

“Oh, Mary Jo,” the gruff man next to her says. “They got a flat. You just saw the dang car. Now open the door and let ‘em in.”

“They do look tired,” she drawls and pops the door open and slides toward her husband. “This is my husband Dale. Did you get a flat on the way to church?” She’s eyeing me in my Bermuda shorts and blouse. I blush. At least Carol is in one of her dresses.

“I’m driving my niece back to her college in Oklahoma,” Carol says smoothly and pats my shoulder. I blush as I slide next to Mary Jo. I really hate lying flat out to people about our relationship, but what are you going to do? Carol closes the door and Gary shifts his truck into gear and keeps driving down the road.

“You almost made it to town,” Dale points out. “The garage is closed, but I know how to fix a flat. I’ll pick up my son Tyler and we can haul your car to the house and tomorrow take it to town if we can’t fix it.”

“Thank you so much, but that’s too much,” Carol says. “If you could drop us in town we could get a hotel and a tow tomorrow.”

“Might as well stay with us for the night. Sun’s already going down. I’ve got some leftovers from dinner today too. You like pecan pie?” Mary Jo offers and lifts a plastic container to shake under Carol’s nose. The light in Mary Jo’s brown eyes seems to soften the exhausted Carol.

“I do,” Carol sighs and my stomach growls. We haven’t eaten most of the day. Mary Jo looks over to Dale and smiles at the stoic man.

“We would have fixed the flat ourselves, but my spare is flat as well,” Carol says with a nod. Mary Jo pats her arm.

“Might as well have the boys have a look,” she says say.

Dale pulls down a long drive way that takes past a few houses. It’s small and quaint. There’s a garage built next door with another car with the hood up and a young man working in the engine.

“Tyler skipped the meal at Mom’s after church to work on the car. Normally, we don’t drive the truck to church. I’m sure Kit is here with the girls out back,” Mary Jo says and squeals when two blonde haired little girls in grass stained white dresses come running up to the truck with a pair of hounds chasing after them panting. Dale picks one up and twirls her and Mary Jo bends down in her finery to hug the smaller one. 

Carol and I look to each other and can’t help but smile. Then, Carol touches my arm and looks at me seriously.

“We have to be careful,” she whispers. I nod. I don’t want to be judgmental, but this is not the time or the place to have a fallout with seemingly kind people. I slide out of the truck with Carol. Kit, I assume, a blonde haired petite woman close to my age walks around the bend of the house. She stops when she sees us.

“Oh, we’ve guests?” she asks.

“Found these two on the side of the road between the ice cream parlor and here. Isn’t that crazy? They’re obviously city folk from god only knows where,” Mary Jo says, standing up with the littlest girl in tow and wiping down her skirt.

The hound dogs are greeting us with slobbery tongues and dirty paws.

“We’re from New York City,” Carol says. “My sister wanted me to drive her girl to college in Oklahoma instead of taking the bus.” Mary Jo snorts.

“Takin’ the bus, she’s absolutely right, but on your own? It’s a long trip. You girls come in and get some lemonade and we’ll fix you up. The boys will take care of the car.”

Carol hands the keys over to Dale and I suddenly have a terrible feeling. 

“Thank you again.”

“Let me go get changed and Tyler and I’ll be back soon,” he says.

“Best go now before you run out of light. I’ll clean up your clothes,” Mary Jo says. “Just give me your shirt.” He passes over his blazer and unbuttons his white shirt to reveal a white sleeveless top. His arms are bronzed by the sun, but cut off abruptly where the top starts and he’s stark white.

He walks to his son and they talk for a moment before getting into the truck and backing it over to garage where there is a flatbed trailer.

The women bring us to the porch. There’s chairs out and a porch swing. They make us sit down on the porch and promise to get us something to eat and drink if we’ll keep an eye on the girls.

It isn’t long before we’re all on the porch again. Carol and I have lavish dishes full of every kind of casserole and salad with fresh lemonade. Mary Jo and Kit chat about church until we’re finished. Then, we get a grilling which Carol answers most of the questions, saying that I’m shy.

“Well, hopefully college will bring it out of her,” Mary Jo says with a smile and a wink. “You two look exhausted. I’ll get you some clothes to sleep in and you can have a shower and sleep in the guest room.”

She leads us to a back bedroom with bunkbeds. 

“Thanks so much again,” Carol says as she takes the clothes and towels. “If there is anything I can do—“

“No, no,” she says and waves us away. “Get yourself settled.”

After our showers and in different beds, I long to be next to Carol on the bottom bunk. We hear the guys come in and Mary Jo hushes them as they talk quietly.

Eventually things settle down in the house and I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

The next morning, Mary Jo wakes us up. Carol gets some clothes for us and I dress a little more carefully in a skirt and blouse.

The kitchen is full of activity. Dale is eating breakfast and Mary Jo is adding things to the table as we sit down.

“We’ll head out as soon as we finish eating,” Dale says. “You’ve got a lot of luggage for your college stay.”

“I’m staying all year,” I squeak and he nods, eyes telling me he is not sure he believes me. Coffee is passed around and soon Carol and I are loaded in the truck with Dale. The Packard is on the flat trailer.

We finish the short drive into town and he pulls up to a garage. The only one in town I assume and we’re soon face to face with a thick man in overalls as the men talk.

“Now if you need anything else you just give a call,” Dale says as he helps the mechanic unload the car. “Mary Jo gave you the line right?” 

“Yes, she did. Thank you again,” Carol replies. “I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t come along.”

“Don’t worry about it. Was the Christian thing to do,” he says and wipes sweat off his forehead. “You take good care of these out-of-towners, Roger. I’ll let you go now.”

He hops in the truck and our last lifeline drives away.

“I’ll get to work on this,” he says and shifts to the Packard. “You can sit in the office or I can meet you in the cafe in a bit.” He points over to a small Mom and Pop cafe across the street.

“We’ll meet you over there,” Carol says and we walk over to the cafe. We get more coffee, not worried about eating after two filling meals in a row.

It’s noon when a much greasier Roger walks into the cafe.

“So it’s bad news. Whatever you hit busted the rim and the tire. We’re going to have replace the whole thing and I don’t have the parts for your make and model of car. It’s going to be a week before I can it in.”

“What?” Carol says, face draining of color. “A week!”

“Don’t worry. We’ve got time,” I say softly. “Ask him how much it’s going to cost.”

“It’s going to be a bit pricey to ship it in and then repair the rim on top of it,” he says and gives us an outlandish price that makes Carol almost drop her coffee.

“We—can’t—“ I start and Carol lifts her hand.

“We do not have the cash on hand for that, sir,” she says much more politely than I was going to say. He scratches his chin.

“We could make a payment plan for now and workout a deal,” he says. Carol sighs and shakes her head.

“Can you at least order the part and we pay for the shipping and the parts?” she asks. He nods and gives us a better price. She pulls out a good chunk of our money and I kick her softly in the shin. She glares at me.

“Put a downpayment on it until the part arrives,” I hiss.

“I’m an honest man,” Roger starts, clearly offended. “I wouldn’t take of advantage of two ladies in need of help.” I turn to him and frown.

“I don’t doubt that,” I say, meaning the opposite. “I’ll see about getting a job to help pay off the extra costs.”

“Therese,” Carol sighs.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Roger asks. “Is that what you need the money for?”

“Yes,” Carol says flatly. “A week is a long time to stay in a motel.”

“I know for a fact that Greg’ll cut you a deal for a week. Tell him my name and he’ll let you stay with a discount,” he says. “Now, if you spot me fifty now you can pay the rest later.” She hands him fifty dollars and I sigh.

He leaves and the older woman that’s a waitress walks over to us to refill our coffee cups.

“Heard you’re looking for a job,” she says to me. “I wouldn’t mind working more in the kitchen if you want to pick up evening shifts.”

“Oh, sure. Great! How much do you pay?” I ask. She smiles pleased that I’m getting straight to business.

“Let’s go talk to the boss, eh? Do you mind?” The woman asks Carol who shakes her head. I stand up and follow the woman to the back where the cook is working.

They agree on paying me very little, but at least it’s something. They promise me people around here are good tippers. So Carol and I walk down to the motel and get a pricey discount for the week.

At least we have privacy though as she collapses on the queen bed. I slide into her arms and tuck my head against her collarbone.

“What are we going to do, Therese?” she asks me. Her fingers gently stroke through the soft fabric of my blouse, sending chills down my back. I love when she touches me like that and I nuzzle into her neck with my nose, smelling the scent that is wholly and utterly Carol no matter what is happening.

“I’m going to work in a few hours and you’re going to find a job.” She snorts at my logic.

“You’re going to be a waitress,” she says this glumly. “You’re a brilliant off-Broadway set designer.”

“At least, I’ll get to sneak food,” I say softly. “I wasn’t always a set designer, Carol. I used to just be a shop girl.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic. I can’t believe you are thinking about food at a time like this.” I prop myself on my elbow and start stroking her flat stomach through her salmon colored blouse. Her fingers intertwine with mine.

“Someone has to,” I say and kiss her nose. She smiles softly at me. “We might be living hand to mouth from now on.”

“God, I hope not,” she says and makes a face. Then, she lets out a sigh. “A whole week in the middle of nowhere.”

“At least we have a room in a middle of nowhere,” I say and start to nuzzle her neck. “Think of all the things we can do in this room.”

“Oh, how I adore you,” she says and rolls over so she is on top of me, so she can start kissing me properly. I laugh as her fingers tickle me and her lips trail hot kisses after the light touches. “I absolutely adore you, my angel.”


	13. Kindess in Unexpected Places

The middle of the week finds me working most of the day in the diner. Carol has managed to talk the motel manager’s wife into letting her wash the sheets and the guests’ clothes. So we are both making enough money to pay are growing bills in this town.

Dale walks into the diner one morning and does a double take when he sees me. He crosses his arms.

“What the hell are you still doing here, Therese?” He demands me a bit gruffly. “And working at the diner?”

I stop dead.

“Um…Roger had to order some part for the car,” I say. He curses under his breath.

“I knew I should of just taken care of the damn thing myself. I’ll take care of this,” he says and stomps out of the diner, heading directly to the garage.

Gayle laughs.

“Give me your apron and go after him!” She says, excited about the potential gossip this scene will stir. I roll my eyes, rip off the apron and toss it to her. Jogging after him, I enter the garage.

Dale is giving Roger an earful.

“I told you not to take advantage of them!” He yells loudly and pokes the big man in the chest. “These were our guests.”

Roger looks a little deflated and embarrassed.

“Dale, man, look it isn’t just about the rim. I found other things wrong with the car.”

“Did you even ask them if they wanted it repaired?” Dale demands. “As soon as you get the parts in. I’m coming up with my boy and we’ll fix it with you. You’re giving them a huge discount too for making them wait for no reason. A week, a damn week, for a tire.” 

Roger looks at me and gives a sheepish shrug. Dale turns to me, softening.

“I’m sorry this idiot took advantage of you. As soon as the parts are in we’ll fix your car up perfect. In the mean time…why don’t you and Carol come over for dinner tonight. Where are you staying?”

I tell him.

“Okay, I’ll have Mary Jo call Carol so you can finish your shift,” Dale says. “Now, I want some coffee.”

I grin at him.

“Coming right up!” I say and following him back to the shop.

Carol isn’t happy when she finds out about the car and Roger, but is happy we have Mary Jo and Dale to help us out. Mary Jo picks us up at five and takes us back to the house to have a home cook meal. We hang around to watch some news, before getting a ride back to town.

The next day, Carol sits next to me on the bed after my shift has ended.

“I talked to Abby today, darling,” she says carefully. I’m leaning against her, her arm around me as she strokes my hair. Our legs extend out in front of us. She’s in her salmon blouse and grey skirt and I’m in a skirt too. People seem to prefer me in skirts in this town.

“Mmm, what did she say?” I ask her, sleepily.

“She’s gotten some information about a couple who’s willing to help us get settled again,” Carol says. I pull away a little to look into her worried face. She wants to be hopeful, but we don’t have much to be hopeful for at the moment. “She says the community is a little different. Maybe a little more open.”

“Oh?” I ask. “Who are these people? Where are they?”

“Ruth and Cyd. They are a lesbian couple living just outside of Santa Fe. They’ve got some sort of artisan community out there.”

“Sounds a bit…loose,” I say unsure. She smiles and nods.

“I’m not sure if that’s right for us, but what else do we have?” She asks. “You might be able to utilize your skills and make a living for us.” I nuzzle against her and kiss her throat.

“I’ll always try to take care of you, Carol. I promise you’ll find something. Surely, if it’s not too far from Santa Fe…you’ll find something too.”

“We can’t risk this again, Therese. If we can live with just one of us working…we might be able to make do. The less contact we have with the outside world the better,” Carol says looking so exhausted.

“We’ll figure it out. You’re right we have to try,” I say. “Do you have an address?”

She nods.

“I’ll ask around about getting maps or a better atlas to get us there.” 

“Very good, darling,” she says. “Can we just go to bed, darling. I want to hold you. I’m so tired.”

“Okay, Carol,” I say and take her chapped hands from the harsh soap and hot water. I kiss them gently. I help her change into her pajamas and get changed myself, so I can nestle beside her.

Dale comes up like promised with his son when the parts arrive at the end of the week. They help Roger fix up the car and by Sunday it’s ready. Mary Jo manages to talk us into going to church with her and eating with the family that afternoon.

Church is a nerve-racking affair, but Carol is so smooth with everyone. She smiles and shakes hands and regals them with tales of New York and washing clothes at the motel. She manages to have them all in stitches and wishing us good luck on our trip.

At Mary Jo’s mother’s house, or Big Momma’s house, it’s even more overwhelming. It’s farther out in the country and everyone in the family has come out to eat a big home cooked meal. Nephew, nieces, uncles, aunts, cousins, great uncles and aunts, grandma and grandpas, great grandma and grandpa, and second cousins, and even a stray third cousin eats the garden goodies and pies with us.

We collapse into bed at the motel that evening full to the brim and completely peopled out. Carol holds me tightly and whispers dreams of New Mexico in my ear.

What will it be like? So far from anything we have ever known. I’ve never been out this far from New York. Now we are going even farther, but I’m not scared. With Carol, I’m never scared. I squeeze her hands against my waist and she nestles her head deeper into my neck with a sigh.

“I love you, darling,” she says. “Every day with you is an adventure.” Her voice is low and husky with exhaustion. We’ve worked so hard this week and now we will finally get to leave.

“How far do you think we’ll get tomorrow?”

“Probably not far. I’m pretty tired,” she says. “Perhaps Joplin? I can stop early and go to bed early then we can push harder the next day, get to Oklahoma City.”

“Oklahoma,” I test out the word. “What’s in Oklahoma.”

“It’s flat and windy, but the people are nice,” Carol says. Her voice tinged with humor.

“Then, Amarillo the next day. We might stay an extra day before pushing on to Santa Fe.”

“So not too long.”

“No, we could make it very late on the fourth day or early on the fifth. Depends how good of time we make.”

“Our journey is almost over.”

“Oh angel, you’re stuck with me for life,” she says and tickles my sides. I laugh and squirm against her, turning in bed. I kiss her softly, yet passionately. She moans, but is too tired to do much more. So I curl up against her, our limbs splay together and her arms wrapped so tightly around me.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”


	14. I'm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your continued patience. I want to write something worthy of this piece and so I'm taking as much time for the ending as I did for the beginning. I want it to be the same quality or better, not rushed. Not pushed, but just an expression of their love and life post oak room. I hope that reflects in the following chapters.

Carol and I putter through Texas with the windows rolled down. We stop in Amarillo, enjoying vanilla ice cream cones and so happy that we are so close to our destination. We settle in for the night at a rundown motel to conserve on funds. 

We split a single bed again this time and Carol hums as she settles down for the night. She actually looks happy I think to myself. Tired, but so happy.

We curl up together and go to sleep. I let her sleep in late the next morning and sneak out to get a meal. I bring back baked ham and eggs sandwiches and coffee from the local diner. Carol lavishes me with kisses and praises at my wonderful cooking skills.

Soon we’re giggling as she tickles me after finishing and those tickles turn into playful kisses. We melt into a passion that stirs within me. I let her have me, leaning back as she gently, but pervasively takes me. She unbuttons my blouse, kissing down between my chest to my belly. Her hands tenderly stroking me and playing with my chest.

There are no words between us, only love that speaks so boldly that it consumes us. Her mouth returns to mine, persistent, true, and domineering. She leads as her golden hair haloes my face and I gladly let her take the wheel. I would follow Carol to the ends of the earth.

Her worn hands feel even more rich against my skin, tickling and telling the story of our lives. I tug at her robe and free her own body, desperate to see the woman I so love. There is no hesitation, no fear in the warm blue eyes that peer down at me. There is only love and wonder and passion there.

Desperately, I pull her back down and keep kissing her. Her hand slips within my folds as I gasp. Her fingers play me like an old melody, gentle, confident, and never missing a note.

“Carol,” I gasp against her, rocking against the hand that brings me to the edge. “Oh god, Carol!” I hiss delighted as the world lights behind my eyelids and her fingers continue to work. She nips and lathers my nipple with her tongue and lips, tugging just enough to bring me over the edge again. This time she carries me a little longer, letting me glide back down into the rickety old bed beside her velvet body.

I pant underneath her, covered in a soft sheen of sweat. She smiles down at me pleased with herself as she strokes my belly and the under curve of my small breast.

All I can do is stare up at her.

“I love you, my angel,” she says. I nod and a tear rolls down my temple. She smiles gently and nestles next to me, continuing her tender strokes. “Was it good?” I nod again.

“I love you so much,” I whisper, looking to her. She kisses my lips softly, tracing a warm tongue against my bottom lip. I moan against her. “I’m so glad I’m with you. I’m so glad you’re home for me, Carol.” She looks at me in wonder.

“You are home for me now too,” she says, voice wobbling. I burrow my head against her chest and she holds me there. “My darling, my angel.” Her fingers scratch my back lazily and I stretch against her. I can feel her body respond to the pressure of my breasts against her.

Sliding my naked thigh between her legs I give her some friction to slide her wet core against. Then, I gladly give her breast the love and attention they need as she moans and gives herself to me. Then, I dip lower. She grabs my hair and guides me to the source.

Our day is spent making love. We take a shower and go out to find dinner. Before going to bed early, starting the drive to Santa Fe the next day.

Like Texas, Santa Fe is so different from New York. I guess, I was expecting desert. And while it’s arid and huge sandy or reddsh colored bluffs jut up from the ground. There’s also grass and trees. It’s beautiful. There’s so much land and the roads wind endlessly. It’s like suddenly, Carol and I can breathe for the first time in a long time.

We pass through Santa Fe and head north to the city of Taos and the Taos mountains. Carol’s hands squeeze the wheel. The city of Taos, our new home, is quintessentially Americana and New Mexico. There’s a traditional square, but it’s full of adobe buildings I’d only seen in art or on tv.

“It’s a bit like a Western,” Carol says with a curl of her lips. We press on and reach Ruth and Cyd’s ranch, pulling into the wide walls. It’s private here. There are horses roaming in fenced in areas, stables, separate housing and we pull up to a massive adobe ranch. A man in a western outfit approaches us. He wears a western hat, cowboy boots, dusty jeans, and a shirt.

I realize then that it’s a stocky woman with burnt tan skin and dark stormy brown eyes. I stop getting out of the car, by the door memorized by the image of a woman who seems more manly. There’s something wild and hard about her as she approaches with cocky steps, thumbs in the loops of her jeans and a big brass belt buckle across her heavy waist. She’s strong and stocky.

Glancing to Carol, I can see she looks worried. This isn’t something we’re used to.

“Hello there. I’m Cyd Anderson. You must be Carol and Therese,” she says in a low raspy voice. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She crosses to Carol and offers a hand. This close, I can see the salt and pepper in her hair and the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

I find it hard to let go of the car door, wondering if this is really we’re going to stay. If she even knows, about us. It’s not as if we’ve even talked.

“The pleasure is mine,” Carol says in her low confident voice, but it’s different. I can see the look in her eyes. That half wild, ready to jump in the car and drive us the hell away from here. My heart pounds in my ears when a lighter voice breaks the tension.

“Cyd, do invite them in, please, and get their things,” another woman says. We all look up. She has long white hair that hangs past her shoulders. Like Cyd, she’s an older woman, wind and sun has aged her pale skin, but she has a classic feminine beauty that seem ethereal. Her blue eyes are crystalline, but friendly. 

Cyd’s composure softens instantly as if she’s staring into the face of an angel. Her chin juts out.

“That’s my girl, Ruth,” she says with a crooked smile. “The best thing that ever happened to me. Where’s your things? You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

“Are we really safe here?” Carol finally asks the all important question as Ruth in a pretty green dress crosses to us.

She places a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“As safe as anywhere else. We’ve taken in folks before. You’re not the first,” she says. “Come inside and we can talk. We’ll figure something out. I promise.” My shoulders crumple and Ruth pulls me into a tender hug. She’s a skinny woman with tight wiry form under that dress. “You’re fine, dear. Come along.” She puts an arm around my waist and leads me into the large adobe home. 

Carol sorts our bags with Cyd who quickly sends her in behind us. Ruth settles us in the living room on a vivid yellow floral couch. 

She brings out a tray of tea, water, and snacks for us.

“Supper will be on eventually, but I don’t want you to worry about that. Eat what you need to. New York’s quite the journey. I think you’re the farthest out we’ve ever had.” I sink into Carol and her arm accepts me. I rest my head against her shoulder.

“Is this okay?” Carol asks in an nervous voice. I’m so tired I didn’t even think. I start to pull away, but her arm tightens around me protectively not letting me move.

“Of course. You’re safe here on our farm. Everyone knows about us here. We’ve got a few farm hands and they’re like us too. This has been a safe place as long as Cyd has had the farm.”

“This is Cyd’s farm?” I ask curious.

“Her family’s yes. For generations.”

“And you don’t have problems with the community?” Carol asks. “Taos?”

“We don’t go flaunting it. Everyone keeps their business to themselves here. I think we’ve lived together for so long that it’s just common knowledge. Most people say we are companions. Two old nuts who take in mysterious travelers from time to time. I’m sure they talk occasionally, but nothing that’s bit us in the ass.” 

Cyd comes down from upstairs and stops at the door.

“I’ll be by for supper. The horses won’t keep themselves, ladies,” she says, touches the brim of her hat to me and Carol, and comes in to peck Ruth on the cheek. “Ruth’ll take care of you fine.”

“Thank you…” Carol says and Cyd stops in front of us. “I don’t know why you are doing this, but thank you.”

“The why isn’t important. You’re here now and you’re safe. That’s all that matters. We’ll work out everything in the morning,” she says and strolls out confidently. Carol starts to relax against me. A tear streaks out past my defenses and she rubs my back, fingers gliding warmly.

“You must be terribly tired. Why don’t you just go upstairs and take a nap? Here…I’ll show you.”

Ruth leads the way up a narrow staircase and down a hall. 

“It’s private. It’s just us in the house. We’re down on the other wing,” she says and opens a door to living space and queen size bed. “It has a view of the mountains and it’s own bathroom.”

Carol covers her mouth and soon she’s crying too.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” she says, shaking her head. “I just don’t.”

“Hush now. None of that. You two are dead on your feet. Go rest. I’ll bring your supper up and you can have it private. In the morning, we’ll talk, okay? We’ll sort everything out. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to. If this isn’t private enough, we can put you up in one of the guest houses even. We’ll work it out, I promise.”

“No,” Carol says straightening. She grabs Ruth’s arm. “Thank you. This is quite perfect. Thank you. Thank you so much.” Ruth smiles and shakes her head.

“It’s the least we can do,” she says and steps away. “Rest. Please.” She walks away, leaving us to this space. This place, another port in our storm, and Carol leads me into the center of the room.

I don’t know who is more shell-shocked that this place even exists. Her or me. That someone, like us, would even take us in as if it weren’t a risk at all. As if we wouldn’t be a drain on them financially. I’m crying again and Carol hugs me.

Her mouth finds the curve of my jaw as she kisses me softly, tenderly. I rub my nose against her cheekbone, feeling the graze of her blonde hair. My eyes meet hers.

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she says and wipes away her tears with a self-deprecating laugh. “This is a good thing. Please, be happy, darling. We’ve come so far. Tell me you’re still happy with me.”

“Of course, Carol. I love you,” I say sighing and give her a trembling smile. “I love you more than anything. I just can’t believe it. Someone’s taken us in. We have this…indefinitely. Nothing comes for free, Carol and yet…”

“It does,” she says simply. “We’ll have to work hard to make it back on our feet.” She grips my face and pecks my lips. “Tell me you’re still with me.”

“Oh Carol. I’m with you to the very end.”


End file.
